When Shawn called me to tell me he would be flying out that same night for Ohio, I wasn’t surprised. Although he hadn’t taken a business trip in over 5 years, I knew it was coming. Not because we had talked about it. Not because anything in his work had changed, but rather I realized God was doing a work in my heart that would require Shawn leaving again to be complete.
About two weeks before that phone call, I sat in Bible study with a group of ladies from church with tears pouring down my face as I listened to Beth Moore teach on Esther chapter 4. From one of her first sentences until the final prayer, I felt as though she was talking directly to me. I knew God was.
“Self-preservation can keep us from our destiny – but we can be set free today.” Oh, how I wanted to be set free that day. Without a doubt some serious rattling of my chains took place that day.
Beth talked about facing your fears. My greatest fear was a secret. My friends knew I struggled with fear, but they didn’t really know why I was so afraid. She talked about letting your mind go there – to your greatest fear. And then ask yourself “then what?” What IF your greatest fear happens – then what? The answer is “then God.” No matter what God will be there to pick you up. He will take care of you.
She told how the most frequent command in the Bible is “Don’t be afraid.” God knew how fearful we would be, so He gently reminds us over and over again. I begin to wonder, how different my life would look without fear.
“Courage is not the absence of fear, but knowing there is something more important than fear… We will never know abundant life if we remain in the stronghold of fear.” I never wanted to settle for the American Dream. My life was called to be “spent” but now I was too afraid to even consider the cost.
Beth told us God offers courage, “Take courage!” He says. And I took it. Not all of it, but enough for me to want more. I remember vividly walking to pick up my kids from school that day feeling lighter. A weight of fear lifted. I knew I would be tested, but for the first time, I wasn’t afraid.
So when Shawn called to tell me he would be leaving that very night for Ohio for a week, I was not surprised or anxious. I was ready. I expected God’s presence to once again fill the house as it did when Shawn was in Honduras – and I couldn’t wait for that.
I dropped Shawn off at the airport and headed home feeling strong and ready to conquer the week. Then the sun went down…
To be continued…
Freedom from Fear - Pt. 1
Showing posts with label Just me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Just me. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Sunday, July 18, 2010
In His Courts
Since I am so good at blogging (hahaha!!) I have agreed to help a dear friend write her story on her blog. Really it is God's story - He is the true Author of it all. I am humbled and so grateful for the opportunity to be a small part of sharing her journey with others. Linda Reppert has been a blessing to me and to so many. Filled with the Word of God and overflowing with wisdom, she continues to give to others freely, despite her physical condition. (You can read about that here.) Her life truly is a testimony of James 1:2-4: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
Come join Linda on her journey as she shares lessons the Lord is teaching her on the land of Israel! It's going to be good!
In His Courts
Come join Linda on her journey as she shares lessons the Lord is teaching her on the land of Israel! It's going to be good!
In His Courts
Friday, July 9, 2010
Freedom from Fear - Pt. 1
As Shawn prepares to leave for camp with the high school ministry at our church, I can’t help but remember a year ago as he prepared for his first mission trip. God has been so gracious with me, taking me by the hand and gently leading me toward total dependence on Him. I still have a long way to go, but I am more excited about the journey than I have ever been.
When Shawn first mentioned going on the mission trip, I was every bit of encouraging. Having a heart for missions and the world, I was so excited for him to experience it! Unexpectedly, it hit me that my husband, who is a very huge part of my security, would be gone for over a week. It had been 5 years since he had left me for more than a couple nights, and this would be the first time since my trip to China 10 years earlier he would not be a phone call away.
The Sunday before he left, my heart felt like it was breaking already. I kept thinking, “A week from today he won’t be here…and two weeks from today…he still won’t be here.” I fought that thought process the rest of the week and would randomly find myself in tears.
I wanted him to go…but I didn’t want to be left behind. It was a struggle that at one point landed me in my closet, on my knees in tears. I begged God to promise me He would keep Shawn safe. “If You will just promise, You will bring Him home safe… I will give Him to You to take… if You can just tell me for sure I have nothing to worry about… I will believe You.” Silence. Tears continued to fall as I realized God wanted me to trust Him regardless of the outcome. I felt Him whisper to my spirit, “Shawn isn’t yours to give me. He is already mine, to do with as I see fit.” Painful as it was, I opened my hands and surrendered. Determined to walk ahead with purpose, confident the results would be worth it.
My sweet Mother-in-Law came and stayed with me for three nights and four days. I am not sure how I could have done those first days without him – without her. Shawn’s plane was “lost” on the way over and a couple other things would have sent me over the edge if not for her comfort. Dear friends also surrounded me. Giving up time with their families to come spend late nights with me, or even sleep on my couch. God’s presence filled this house like I have never experienced before from the minute Shawn walked out the door to the moment I was in his arms again. It was painful. I was stretched. Living moment by moment, sometimes in great fear sometimes in great faith, I survived. And actually found myself longing to feel God so physically near again once Shawn was home.
So a couple of months later when Shawn called to tell me he would be taking a business trip, I almost welcomed the opportunity. Fully believing God would show up again. But He didn’t…or so I thought.
To be continued…
When Shawn first mentioned going on the mission trip, I was every bit of encouraging. Having a heart for missions and the world, I was so excited for him to experience it! Unexpectedly, it hit me that my husband, who is a very huge part of my security, would be gone for over a week. It had been 5 years since he had left me for more than a couple nights, and this would be the first time since my trip to China 10 years earlier he would not be a phone call away.
The Sunday before he left, my heart felt like it was breaking already. I kept thinking, “A week from today he won’t be here…and two weeks from today…he still won’t be here.” I fought that thought process the rest of the week and would randomly find myself in tears.
I wanted him to go…but I didn’t want to be left behind. It was a struggle that at one point landed me in my closet, on my knees in tears. I begged God to promise me He would keep Shawn safe. “If You will just promise, You will bring Him home safe… I will give Him to You to take… if You can just tell me for sure I have nothing to worry about… I will believe You.” Silence. Tears continued to fall as I realized God wanted me to trust Him regardless of the outcome. I felt Him whisper to my spirit, “Shawn isn’t yours to give me. He is already mine, to do with as I see fit.” Painful as it was, I opened my hands and surrendered. Determined to walk ahead with purpose, confident the results would be worth it.
My sweet Mother-in-Law came and stayed with me for three nights and four days. I am not sure how I could have done those first days without him – without her. Shawn’s plane was “lost” on the way over and a couple other things would have sent me over the edge if not for her comfort. Dear friends also surrounded me. Giving up time with their families to come spend late nights with me, or even sleep on my couch. God’s presence filled this house like I have never experienced before from the minute Shawn walked out the door to the moment I was in his arms again. It was painful. I was stretched. Living moment by moment, sometimes in great fear sometimes in great faith, I survived. And actually found myself longing to feel God so physically near again once Shawn was home.
So a couple of months later when Shawn called to tell me he would be taking a business trip, I almost welcomed the opportunity. Fully believing God would show up again. But He didn’t…or so I thought.
To be continued…
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Frustrated at Facebook
Offended yet again, I shut off the computer and walk away. I had avoided facebook for weeks, while contemplating what to do with it. Delete my account? Block some “friends”? Each time I visited the site, I would go away cringing. Though the good in facebook kept compelling me back. It works well to keep up with family and dear friends who I would otherwise have no contact with on a day to day basis. If only people would think before they typed…
This time as I walked away from the computer I was more upset at myself than the people on the other side. Why was it bothering me so? Aggravated at myself for being aggravated, out the door I went for a stroll. I took only two steps before releasing my built up complaints to the throne room of Heaven. I walked and talked letting my heart overflow with honesty to my Father. I shared my thoughts with Him, every last one of them. And then I paused, ending my rant with sincere question, “Do you get offended, Lord? Or are you just so full of grace…?” I couldn’t go on. The words stuck in my throat for my heart already knew the answer.
If God were to get offended, wouldn’t He constantly be offended? Is there ever a moment void of evil somewhere? If people’s thoughtless comments offend me, a sinner, how much more would my thoughts offend a holy Christ? Does He ever avoid me because I displease Him? Does He turn me off and come back later when my thoughts may not be so insulting? Or get so tired of my ramblings that He considers “un-friending” me? It brought tears at the mere thought of it.
I have yet to decide if there is some middle ground here. Are there things worth taking offense too so evil doesn’t thrive? I’m not sure. As far as my “friends” and facebook goes… I have decided if I am going to error, it will be on the side of extending grace instead of getting irritated. One small way my heart can better reflect my Master’s.
Now to go pray about my time management issues and facebook…
"From the fullness of His grace we have all received one blessing after another." John 1:16
This time as I walked away from the computer I was more upset at myself than the people on the other side. Why was it bothering me so? Aggravated at myself for being aggravated, out the door I went for a stroll. I took only two steps before releasing my built up complaints to the throne room of Heaven. I walked and talked letting my heart overflow with honesty to my Father. I shared my thoughts with Him, every last one of them. And then I paused, ending my rant with sincere question, “Do you get offended, Lord? Or are you just so full of grace…?” I couldn’t go on. The words stuck in my throat for my heart already knew the answer.
If God were to get offended, wouldn’t He constantly be offended? Is there ever a moment void of evil somewhere? If people’s thoughtless comments offend me, a sinner, how much more would my thoughts offend a holy Christ? Does He ever avoid me because I displease Him? Does He turn me off and come back later when my thoughts may not be so insulting? Or get so tired of my ramblings that He considers “un-friending” me? It brought tears at the mere thought of it.
I have yet to decide if there is some middle ground here. Are there things worth taking offense too so evil doesn’t thrive? I’m not sure. As far as my “friends” and facebook goes… I have decided if I am going to error, it will be on the side of extending grace instead of getting irritated. One small way my heart can better reflect my Master’s.
Now to go pray about my time management issues and facebook…
"From the fullness of His grace we have all received one blessing after another." John 1:16
Friday, March 12, 2010
Wacky Wednesday
About a year ago I shared Connor’s no underwear adventure. Since there isn’t much in between that one and this one, I have hesitated to post another of his wardrobe malfunctions. Partly in case you think it is a pretty often occurrence…well, maybe it is. And partly because it could embarrass Connor one day… well, maybe that isn’t so bad either. :) So here I go…
Yes, it is true that Connor often has trouble getting dressed in the morning. Obviously forgetting underwear, but he has also met me at the stairs ready to go down to breakfast still in his pajamas but with socks and shoes on, or his socks, shoes, underwear and shirt on but NO PANTS. And yes, that boy is oblivious to his errors until I point it out. Then you see the realization wash over his sleepy face. Luckily, since last year, all of these incidents have happened inside our home until Wednesday last week.
It wasn’t just any Wednesday, mind you. It was Wacky Wednesday. For Summer at least. She dressed up in wacky tights, shorts, backwards shirts and a crazy side pony tail. All of it just gave her license to dress how she would every day if she could. Connor's class didn’t have wacky day but went to school in regular jeans and a regular shirt without complaint.
We were crossing the street on the way home from school that afternoon when I noticed Connor was pulling at his pants. “What’s wrong?”
“My underwear is messed up”, he said.
“Wait until we get across the street and I will help you.”
Once safely across the street, the crossing guards (who have become dear friends) begin going on and on about Summer’s crazy outfit when one of them asked where Connor had went. In immediate panic I turned around and found Connor hiding behind me…with his pants down. Since I had forgotten, he had taken it upon himself to fix his underwear right there as cars drove by.
Quickly, I yanked his pants up and glanced at the sweet crossing guards who seemed to be waiting for my reaction before responding. “Well, I can add that to my list of embarrassing things he has done”, I said.
They laughed. Summer wasted no time before breaking into the story of his no underwear day. I smiled and wondered to myself why I take them out in public sometimes.
One crossing guard then noticed Connor’s normal clothes and said, “Oh, you didn’t have Wacky Wednesday today, Connor?”
Connor, quick as ever, replied, “Nope. I had wacky underwear day!”
Yes, it is true that Connor often has trouble getting dressed in the morning. Obviously forgetting underwear, but he has also met me at the stairs ready to go down to breakfast still in his pajamas but with socks and shoes on, or his socks, shoes, underwear and shirt on but NO PANTS. And yes, that boy is oblivious to his errors until I point it out. Then you see the realization wash over his sleepy face. Luckily, since last year, all of these incidents have happened inside our home until Wednesday last week.
It wasn’t just any Wednesday, mind you. It was Wacky Wednesday. For Summer at least. She dressed up in wacky tights, shorts, backwards shirts and a crazy side pony tail. All of it just gave her license to dress how she would every day if she could. Connor's class didn’t have wacky day but went to school in regular jeans and a regular shirt without complaint.
We were crossing the street on the way home from school that afternoon when I noticed Connor was pulling at his pants. “What’s wrong?”
“My underwear is messed up”, he said.
“Wait until we get across the street and I will help you.”
Once safely across the street, the crossing guards (who have become dear friends) begin going on and on about Summer’s crazy outfit when one of them asked where Connor had went. In immediate panic I turned around and found Connor hiding behind me…with his pants down. Since I had forgotten, he had taken it upon himself to fix his underwear right there as cars drove by.
Quickly, I yanked his pants up and glanced at the sweet crossing guards who seemed to be waiting for my reaction before responding. “Well, I can add that to my list of embarrassing things he has done”, I said.
They laughed. Summer wasted no time before breaking into the story of his no underwear day. I smiled and wondered to myself why I take them out in public sometimes.
One crossing guard then noticed Connor’s normal clothes and said, “Oh, you didn’t have Wacky Wednesday today, Connor?”
Connor, quick as ever, replied, “Nope. I had wacky underwear day!”
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Do I Dare Try This Again?
I have started this post a few times over the last month, but how in the world do you come back after almost a year of silence? It is not easy that is for sure. I want to make all these promises to do better, but I honestly don’t have enough faith in me to do such a thing. What calls me back is knowing all the sweet moments I shared with my family…moments I was sure I would remember but now have been forgotten. The timely moments where God has changed my course of direction…the little ones, I barely recognized, but now wish I had a better account. Then there are the big moments I have scribbled on a post-it note and still hope to record on here eventually…maybe…hopefully…
Here is a quick update on some of what has been going on the last year…
In June, I was forced to trust God in new ways as Shawn headed out on his first mission trip. God’s presence was tangible in my home and I learned so much… so did he. In October, Shawn headed out for a two week business trip and I expected the same peace that had accompanied me the last time he was gone, but instead this time I felt so alone. God began a work on me while Shawn was gone and still isn’t finished yet. It has been one of the most painful experiences in my walk with Him this far, but I am holding on…knowing it will be worth it.
God has reignited my passion for missions and it was a frustrating few months before I begin to see a reason why. He took me all the way to Houston over a weekend before I finally surrendered and received clear direction of what He wants next. Maybe I will share more of that someday. I am still busy with the women’s ministry at church and organizing the Bible studies. It is passion I don’t think I will ever get out of my system.
Shawn and I will celebrate our 10th anniversary this year and I have been amazed at him more lately than ever. He worked so hard this past year to support our family and he did so very well. These last few months, he “supporting me” has taken a different direction. I can hardly talk about it without tears. I am so thankful he is mine.
Summer is quite the little lady. She is definitely her own person and very Ok with her uniqueness. She rarely picks up a toy to play, but will spend her time on crafts, electronics or reading. She loves helping me in the kitchen. She takes social to a whole new level. Never wanting to be alone, she follows me around doing her own thing but carrying on an almost grown up conversation in the process. Her wisdom and maturity amaze me. Love that girl!
Connor, as active as ever, always keeps me on my toes. He doesn’t sit still for a minute and never has enough time in the day to play. Superheroes or cars occupies most of his time. His toys are his prized possessions, yet he has a huge heart. He will do almost anything for his sisters or me and do it cheerfully. The most amazing prayers come out of his little mouth. God has big plans for that little man, I just know it.
Chloe is near perfect sweetness. That little girl loves anything alive and has the most nurturing spirit I have ever witnessed in a little one. She is my constant companion throughout the day and I enjoy her so much it scares me sometimes. We clean together, run errands together, play together. Don’t even talk about her going to school…EVER!
So maybe I will be back to share more tomorrow…or maybe next week…or next month…but hopefully before next year.
Here is a quick update on some of what has been going on the last year…
In June, I was forced to trust God in new ways as Shawn headed out on his first mission trip. God’s presence was tangible in my home and I learned so much… so did he. In October, Shawn headed out for a two week business trip and I expected the same peace that had accompanied me the last time he was gone, but instead this time I felt so alone. God began a work on me while Shawn was gone and still isn’t finished yet. It has been one of the most painful experiences in my walk with Him this far, but I am holding on…knowing it will be worth it.
God has reignited my passion for missions and it was a frustrating few months before I begin to see a reason why. He took me all the way to Houston over a weekend before I finally surrendered and received clear direction of what He wants next. Maybe I will share more of that someday. I am still busy with the women’s ministry at church and organizing the Bible studies. It is passion I don’t think I will ever get out of my system.
Shawn and I will celebrate our 10th anniversary this year and I have been amazed at him more lately than ever. He worked so hard this past year to support our family and he did so very well. These last few months, he “supporting me” has taken a different direction. I can hardly talk about it without tears. I am so thankful he is mine.
Summer is quite the little lady. She is definitely her own person and very Ok with her uniqueness. She rarely picks up a toy to play, but will spend her time on crafts, electronics or reading. She loves helping me in the kitchen. She takes social to a whole new level. Never wanting to be alone, she follows me around doing her own thing but carrying on an almost grown up conversation in the process. Her wisdom and maturity amaze me. Love that girl!
Connor, as active as ever, always keeps me on my toes. He doesn’t sit still for a minute and never has enough time in the day to play. Superheroes or cars occupies most of his time. His toys are his prized possessions, yet he has a huge heart. He will do almost anything for his sisters or me and do it cheerfully. The most amazing prayers come out of his little mouth. God has big plans for that little man, I just know it.
Chloe is near perfect sweetness. That little girl loves anything alive and has the most nurturing spirit I have ever witnessed in a little one. She is my constant companion throughout the day and I enjoy her so much it scares me sometimes. We clean together, run errands together, play together. Don’t even talk about her going to school…EVER!
So maybe I will be back to share more tomorrow…or maybe next week…or next month…but hopefully before next year.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
One of Those Days
Last Friday was one of those days. You know the kind where you have to keep laughing so you don't cry. The kind where you wonder "what next?" but are too afraid to actually ask. Where you want to go back to bed and start over...or just stay in bed.
Friday morning the kids and I rush out the door in hopes that we would somehow be able to gain back the two minutes we needed in order to NOT be late for school. We weren't far from our house when it suddenly started raining...or we drove through sprinklers...or a flock of birds just pooped all over our car. Yea, that was it. Bird poop. Sadly, I didn't realize it was not rain, or the sprinklers until after I turned on the windshield wipers.
When I finished gagging, I resumed my task of getting Summer to school on time. Only now I was doing it by peering through streaks of bird poop all over the windshield. I wish I was exaggerating.
In spite of the bird poop, we actually made up our two minutes, but now there was no way I was driving my poopmobile through the car line. So we parked, got out and walked away from the car as quickly as possible.
Once she is in, I came back to check out the damage. Never before have I seen so much poop. With two fingers I attempted to open my door between splats. Needless to say, we headed straight to the car wash.
An experience in and of itself with two kids in the car and a mom who has never done this before...but I will spare you those details. We make it out with a clean car! It has never felt so good! Next stop - grocery store.
I have to admit as I turned off the car and walked around to get my kids out, I was a bit nervous at what this trip would bring. I will tell you, it was not what I expected, and it would be mere second before I would find that out...
Connor jumped out of the car and pulled out his shorts to look down them with wide eyes, "Where did my underwear go?"
I stopped in my tracks and asked, "Connor, do you not have underwear on??" while praying he was playing a trick on me.
"I guess I forgot them." He said much too seriously.
I looked for myself. Yep, he forgot them...somehow. I cringed but put him in the cart anyway. "Let,s just get our groceries quickly and then I will take you home to get underwear, OK?"
"OK" he replies and go we about our shopping trip.
Until I walk in and realize that in my hurry this morning, my shopping list was left on the counter right by my purse...instead of in my purse. Still determined to go home with food, I try to do it by memory.
Three aisles in my phone rings. It is Summer's teacher. I had wrote a note to her that morning concerning a note that came home from school with Summer the night before. Summer had found a note in her cubby that read, "I love you Summer! From your sekrit idmyudr." And then a second one that read, "I love you so much I want to kiss you!" Needless to say, that is where we got concerned.
So there I am explaining the whole situation in the middle of the store, while trying to pull my grocery list from head, push a race car grocery cart and keep two kids seated and under control. In all that, I completely forgot one of them didn't have on underwear. Unfortunately, he didn't forget....
I finally reached the check-out and and the man bagging the groceries (who we see there nearly every visit, I might add) asked Connor how he was doing today. I wasn't really paying attention until I heard Connor's response. "I don't have any underwear on."
I quickly covered his mouth, but it was too late. I felt my face turn red, but oh, it wasn't near over.
The man responded loudly "No, underwear on? Why don't you have any underwear on?"
Connor explained as best he knew how, "I guess they stuck to my pjs when I got dressed this morning and I put them in the laundry."
"Were they clean underwear?" The man asked.
Connor nodded a yes.
"Oh, no, OH NO!" the man exclaimed, his voice grew louder and louder as my face got redder and redder. "You never put clean underwear in the laundry, do you know why?"
Connor wide-eyed, shook his head.
"Because then you end up at the grocery store WITH NO UNDERWEAR ON!"
My gratitude at him declaring yet again to the people all around me that my son didn't have any underwear on was displayed well on my crimson face.
At last the cashier handed me the receipt and I grabbed my cart and pushed it out of the store.
Connor wondered aloud, "Why didn't he come out to the car with us like he always does?"
I muttered more to myself than to him, "He was probably afraid."
"Oh. I shouldn't have told him I didn't have underwear on." He says as if a light bulb just went off.
"Probably not", I said.
But it was done and we were headed home...yet even after all that, the day was just beginning...
Friday morning the kids and I rush out the door in hopes that we would somehow be able to gain back the two minutes we needed in order to NOT be late for school. We weren't far from our house when it suddenly started raining...or we drove through sprinklers...or a flock of birds just pooped all over our car. Yea, that was it. Bird poop. Sadly, I didn't realize it was not rain, or the sprinklers until after I turned on the windshield wipers.
When I finished gagging, I resumed my task of getting Summer to school on time. Only now I was doing it by peering through streaks of bird poop all over the windshield. I wish I was exaggerating.
In spite of the bird poop, we actually made up our two minutes, but now there was no way I was driving my poopmobile through the car line. So we parked, got out and walked away from the car as quickly as possible.
Once she is in, I came back to check out the damage. Never before have I seen so much poop. With two fingers I attempted to open my door between splats. Needless to say, we headed straight to the car wash.
An experience in and of itself with two kids in the car and a mom who has never done this before...but I will spare you those details. We make it out with a clean car! It has never felt so good! Next stop - grocery store.
I have to admit as I turned off the car and walked around to get my kids out, I was a bit nervous at what this trip would bring. I will tell you, it was not what I expected, and it would be mere second before I would find that out...
Connor jumped out of the car and pulled out his shorts to look down them with wide eyes, "Where did my underwear go?"
I stopped in my tracks and asked, "Connor, do you not have underwear on??" while praying he was playing a trick on me.
"I guess I forgot them." He said much too seriously.
I looked for myself. Yep, he forgot them...somehow. I cringed but put him in the cart anyway. "Let,s just get our groceries quickly and then I will take you home to get underwear, OK?"
"OK" he replies and go we about our shopping trip.
Until I walk in and realize that in my hurry this morning, my shopping list was left on the counter right by my purse...instead of in my purse. Still determined to go home with food, I try to do it by memory.
Three aisles in my phone rings. It is Summer's teacher. I had wrote a note to her that morning concerning a note that came home from school with Summer the night before. Summer had found a note in her cubby that read, "I love you Summer! From your sekrit idmyudr." And then a second one that read, "I love you so much I want to kiss you!" Needless to say, that is where we got concerned.
So there I am explaining the whole situation in the middle of the store, while trying to pull my grocery list from head, push a race car grocery cart and keep two kids seated and under control. In all that, I completely forgot one of them didn't have on underwear. Unfortunately, he didn't forget....
I finally reached the check-out and and the man bagging the groceries (who we see there nearly every visit, I might add) asked Connor how he was doing today. I wasn't really paying attention until I heard Connor's response. "I don't have any underwear on."
I quickly covered his mouth, but it was too late. I felt my face turn red, but oh, it wasn't near over.
The man responded loudly "No, underwear on? Why don't you have any underwear on?"
Connor explained as best he knew how, "I guess they stuck to my pjs when I got dressed this morning and I put them in the laundry."
"Were they clean underwear?" The man asked.
Connor nodded a yes.
"Oh, no, OH NO!" the man exclaimed, his voice grew louder and louder as my face got redder and redder. "You never put clean underwear in the laundry, do you know why?"
Connor wide-eyed, shook his head.
"Because then you end up at the grocery store WITH NO UNDERWEAR ON!"
My gratitude at him declaring yet again to the people all around me that my son didn't have any underwear on was displayed well on my crimson face.
At last the cashier handed me the receipt and I grabbed my cart and pushed it out of the store.
Connor wondered aloud, "Why didn't he come out to the car with us like he always does?"
I muttered more to myself than to him, "He was probably afraid."
"Oh. I shouldn't have told him I didn't have underwear on." He says as if a light bulb just went off.
"Probably not", I said.
But it was done and we were headed home...yet even after all that, the day was just beginning...
Monday, March 30, 2009
Lost
Not a post about the show LOST...never seen it...don't intent to ever see it. Sorry if I disappoint. :) I am feeling at quite loss of where to start after all these months...
In my last post (many months ago!) I promised a list of all I have learned from studying Acts. I was working on it diligently, had it all typed out in Word and was proofreading it when our hard drive died. It was lost forever! And with it, my motivation for blogging seemed to be lost as well.
I am also sure many of you (if you are still there) have been wondering if I was lost too... unless of course you have Facebook, then you are very aware of all that has happened these past few months! Moving, a puppy...where do I start?!?!
Ah, today.
Today is the first day of our spring break! I have awaited this day since January. Don't get me wrong, I love my quiet mornings as much as any other mom with school age kids, but I don't like getting up before the sun, spending three hours of my day driving back and forth to school and waiting in car lines. Not to mention homework and keeping up with the different schedules. By this time of year, I am just done. Really very ready for summer vacation...but, ah, spring break will do.
So, oddly enough, I find I have more time on my hands with my kids home than I do with them in school. With my extra time this week, I thought I would give blogging another shot. I love being able to look back on here at details in our day to day life that would otherwise be forgotten.
I am giving myself a goal of a post a day and hoping that will put me back in the habit of it by the end of the week. You have my permission to nudge me if I slack again! :)
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
I Celebrate the Day!
LOVE these lyrics...
I Celebrate the Day by Reliant K
And with this Christmas wish is missed
The point I could convey
If only I could find the words to say to let You know how much You've touched my life
Because here is where You're finding me, in the exact same place as New Year's eve
And from a lack of my persistency
We're less than half as close as I want to be
And the first time
That You opened Your eyes did You realize that You would be my Savior
And the first breath that left Your lips
Did You know that it would change this world forever
And so this Christmas I'll compare the things I felt in prior years
To what this midnight made so clear
That You have come to meet me here
To look back and think that
This baby would one day save me
In the hope that what You did
That you were born so I might live
To look back and think that
This baby would one day save me
And I, I celebrate the day
That You were born to die
So I could one day pray for You to save my life
I Celebrate the Day by Reliant K
And with this Christmas wish is missed
The point I could convey
If only I could find the words to say to let You know how much You've touched my life
Because here is where You're finding me, in the exact same place as New Year's eve
And from a lack of my persistency
We're less than half as close as I want to be
And the first time
That You opened Your eyes did You realize that You would be my Savior
And the first breath that left Your lips
Did You know that it would change this world forever
And so this Christmas I'll compare the things I felt in prior years
To what this midnight made so clear
That You have come to meet me here
To look back and think that
This baby would one day save me
In the hope that what You did
That you were born so I might live
To look back and think that
This baby would one day save me
And I, I celebrate the day
That You were born to die
So I could one day pray for You to save my life
Monday, December 8, 2008
Homemade Marshmallows
Debbie and I spent the day making marshmallows. Yep, that's right...homemade marshmallows. When we shared our plans with "some other" family members, they didn't hid their snickers and the jokes begin instantly. Jokes about how we would get stuck to the walls of the kitchen...we would have to call one of them to help us. Really now...IF we did get stuck to the walls by our rising homemade marshmallow fluff...would we really call one of them to help us??
I am happy to say that we made the marshmallows with out much of a sticky mess. And they were SO GOOD! However, the day didn't go down without its share of giggles...FROM US. I am going to be so bold as to share just a couple of them...
I am happy to say that we made the marshmallows with out much of a sticky mess. And they were SO GOOD! However, the day didn't go down without its share of giggles...FROM US. I am going to be so bold as to share just a couple of them...
- The sugar and water are on the stove. We are watching intently as...nothing happens. We decide we should stir it in case it could scotch. Another 5 minutes goes by of constant stirring. Still...nothing. Oh! It helps if we have the burner on!
- We are almost done. The marshmallow is fluffy and yummy! Debbie mentions not having lunch. I grab a individual pizza out of the freezer to make her. Pop it in the microwave and when it beeps take it out. Much to my surprise, there isn't much of a pizza there any more. More like a plate full of burnt cheese and a little piece of dried up bread. What in the world? I have never made marshmallows EVER and they turn out great. I have made those little pizzas more times than I can count - in the microwave no less - and it ends up completely inedible. I still don't understand...
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Remember Me?
Long time no blog, huh?
I haven't abandoned it, I just feel a bit lost at where to start again. I have so much I want to say...SO much! It has been a roller coaster of couple of months. Lots of family time, lots of God things! Our God is so amazing and unlike anyone else! He is moving and working all around...have you felt it too?
So...I am gathering my thoughts today in hope that there will be some kind of order to this, and I WILL be back! I am so thankful for the long weekend coming up and hope to get all caught up by the end of it.
I hope you will be back too!
"Who am I, Lord God, and what is my house that You have brought me this far? This is why You are great, Lord God. There is no one like You, and there is no God besides You..." 2 Samuel 7:18, 22
I haven't abandoned it, I just feel a bit lost at where to start again. I have so much I want to say...SO much! It has been a roller coaster of couple of months. Lots of family time, lots of God things! Our God is so amazing and unlike anyone else! He is moving and working all around...have you felt it too?
So...I am gathering my thoughts today in hope that there will be some kind of order to this, and I WILL be back! I am so thankful for the long weekend coming up and hope to get all caught up by the end of it.
I hope you will be back too!
"Who am I, Lord God, and what is my house that You have brought me this far? This is why You are great, Lord God. There is no one like You, and there is no God besides You..." 2 Samuel 7:18, 22
Thursday, September 25, 2008
God Speaks
Countless times, I have heard the voice behind me telling me, "This is the way; walk in it." I have heard Him speak to me directly about big things: who I should marry, where I should work (or not work), where my children should go to school. I have heard His voice over small things: times to pray for a friend, a Bible study to take, when to speak and when to stay silent.
Lately, I have felt as if I have been walking in between Malachi and Matthew. God has been disturbingly silent.
It has not been for lack of questions. There have been MANY. I have blindly slammed my face against hard cement...only to wonder why God would have led me down that path just to be redirected so quickly.
Where do you want me, Lord? What can I do for You? Do you want me to sit quiet? Do you want me to get busy? I will do whatever, I just need to KNOW. More than anything, I need to know You are pleased with what I am doing. Please, God speak.
That was my prayer this morning. I prayed it as I got in the shower. My mind never once stopped swirling with thoughts...Is that You, Lord? Was that from You?
I busied myself with preparing my children for school. Packing lunches, dressing little bodies. Backpacks in hand, we headed out the door. As I always do as we wait through the car line, I prayed for my children...while focused on them, my own request was still very present in my mind.
I begin to blame myself. I needed to go home and hit my face. I needed to show God how desperately I needed Him.
I don't like the silence, Lord? I can't take it one more day.
Two car lines later, both kids were dropped off at school. My desire to go home was great, but I had a much needed errand to run - so I headed in that direction. My eyes took in sights all around me...hoping to gather some information...something God would use to show me where He wants me. Would it be a homeless person? A child?
Then my phone rang. God? I suppose it could have been. But it was my dear Mom making her morning call to check on me. Just small talk for a couple of minutes. Over the course of that conversation my mind had gone from searching for God's direction, to searching for the DMV. I hung up with only that on my mind.
It was then I noticed I had a text message. I usually only text my husband...so I expected it to be him. Opened it and read:
"Good morning! Just wanted to wish u a blessed day. God loves u and knows ur heart."
It was from my sweet mentor friend. She sent it without too much thought, I am guessing. A simple greeting...but it spoke volumes of Truth to my earnest heart.
"God loves u..." I have walked with God...really walked with Him for about 16 years now and just recently became very acutely aware that I have no clue how much God loves me. If I did, how much more willingly would I surrender it all to Him and trust Him fully?
"... and knows ur heart." A scary thing. Yes, my heart longs for Him like no other. It cries out, "Earth has nothing I desire but You." But my actions...ouch. They don't always portray that. Which in turn, reflects the state of my heart, doesn't it?
It wasn't where I was looking, but God did indeed speak. The message He sent me today wasn't the one I was looking for. It wasn't a billboard telling me to go to Africa or a phone call from Heaven saying I needed to stay home. I didn't get any solid directions...other than to the DMV.
But I did find peace. Not because my questions were answered. But peace in the midst of all the uncertainty. I still don't know what God wants me to do. But I do know He loves me. He knows my heart and maybe He is pleased...or maybe He just loves me anyway.
For now, I rest in that.
Lately, I have felt as if I have been walking in between Malachi and Matthew. God has been disturbingly silent.
It has not been for lack of questions. There have been MANY. I have blindly slammed my face against hard cement...only to wonder why God would have led me down that path just to be redirected so quickly.
Where do you want me, Lord? What can I do for You? Do you want me to sit quiet? Do you want me to get busy? I will do whatever, I just need to KNOW. More than anything, I need to know You are pleased with what I am doing. Please, God speak.
That was my prayer this morning. I prayed it as I got in the shower. My mind never once stopped swirling with thoughts...Is that You, Lord? Was that from You?
I busied myself with preparing my children for school. Packing lunches, dressing little bodies. Backpacks in hand, we headed out the door. As I always do as we wait through the car line, I prayed for my children...while focused on them, my own request was still very present in my mind.
I begin to blame myself. I needed to go home and hit my face. I needed to show God how desperately I needed Him.
I don't like the silence, Lord? I can't take it one more day.
Two car lines later, both kids were dropped off at school. My desire to go home was great, but I had a much needed errand to run - so I headed in that direction. My eyes took in sights all around me...hoping to gather some information...something God would use to show me where He wants me. Would it be a homeless person? A child?
Then my phone rang. God? I suppose it could have been. But it was my dear Mom making her morning call to check on me. Just small talk for a couple of minutes. Over the course of that conversation my mind had gone from searching for God's direction, to searching for the DMV. I hung up with only that on my mind.
It was then I noticed I had a text message. I usually only text my husband...so I expected it to be him. Opened it and read:
"Good morning! Just wanted to wish u a blessed day. God loves u and knows ur heart."
It was from my sweet mentor friend. She sent it without too much thought, I am guessing. A simple greeting...but it spoke volumes of Truth to my earnest heart.
"God loves u..." I have walked with God...really walked with Him for about 16 years now and just recently became very acutely aware that I have no clue how much God loves me. If I did, how much more willingly would I surrender it all to Him and trust Him fully?
"... and knows ur heart." A scary thing. Yes, my heart longs for Him like no other. It cries out, "Earth has nothing I desire but You." But my actions...ouch. They don't always portray that. Which in turn, reflects the state of my heart, doesn't it?
It wasn't where I was looking, but God did indeed speak. The message He sent me today wasn't the one I was looking for. It wasn't a billboard telling me to go to Africa or a phone call from Heaven saying I needed to stay home. I didn't get any solid directions...other than to the DMV.
But I did find peace. Not because my questions were answered. But peace in the midst of all the uncertainty. I still don't know what God wants me to do. But I do know He loves me. He knows my heart and maybe He is pleased...or maybe He just loves me anyway.
For now, I rest in that.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Welcome Fall!
Today is the first day of fall! I can hardly believe it, but you can actually feel it all the way in Florida! Even in the heat of the afternoon, my car thermometer said we didn't break 80 degrees. That has to be a first in a very long while. (Now if it would just stop raining...)
A few of my favorite Fall things (in Florida):
A few of my favorite Fall things (in Florida):
- wearing jeans and not sweating to death before even stepping outside
- cool evenings and maybe even a few cool days
- school activities and field trips
- October - on my top 3 list of favorite months
- pumpkin patches
- our candy bowl again being full (it has been dwindling since Easter)
- not so many creepy crawly things around - particularly reptiles
- watching late night Packer games with my hubby
- DARK evenings and LIGHT mornings - how things are suppose to be :)
What are some of your favorite Fall things?
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Randoms
So my sweet friend, Tara pointed out today that I have been neglecting my blog. OK, yea, it's true. No excuses she said, so I won't offer any. My sweet friend Tara also does these fun random posts on Wednesdays (ahem, except last I checked...none yet today...just happen to notice...no excuses...) so I thought I would try my hand at it...
- I totally underestimated how busy my fall would be
- Chloe and I sit through four car lines every day
- One at 8:30, one at 9:00, another at 12:30 and yet another at 3:00
- In between those times I feel like I am either scrambling to run errands, clean my house, let Chloe nap, or I am so tired I get nothing done
- I am reading Dangerous Surrender by Kay Warren
- It has my head and my heart swirling with thoughts
- Expect some posts on that eventually
- I just got my car back on Monday
- We had a little accident about a month ago
- At church
- A nice, young man rear ended us
- He didn't have insurance tho...sigh
- We were rear ended about a month before that, except there was very little damage and we didn't report it
- That was also while leaving church
- Now my rear end looks so pretty! :)
- Connor is LOVING preschool
- He is so disappointed every Saturday and Sunday when he doesn't get to go
- Summer starts soccer on Saturday
- She is pretty excited about that too
- We spent Saturday in Orlando with Shawn's family
- Celebrated our littlest niece's 1st birthday
- And, oh yea, my husband is now 30!
- Tomorrow I am having lunch with my mentor
- And Friday Shawn and I are going on a date! Whaaahoooo!!!!!!
So how did I do, sweet Tara? :) Was that an OK update for you... :) You KNOW I love you!
Saturday, August 30, 2008
New Posts
I am still not as caught up as I would like to be, but I think this concludes my back dating frenzy. I had to finish blogging Summer's birthday and our anniversary in the month it happened...or it would have never made it here.
Two new posts - backdated to the date they happened -
I have said this before, but I really hope to be back on a more regular basis come September! See you then!
Two new posts - backdated to the date they happened -
I have said this before, but I really hope to be back on a more regular basis come September! See you then!
Friday, August 22, 2008
"I Think We Need a Beaver"
Those were Connor's words when we opened our door this morning and saw this...
Praise the Lord it landed oh so softly. No damage whatsoever. In our neighbor's words, it was guided by the same angels that dropped the other tree right between our parked cars LAST hurricane. Yea, it's tradition...we like to try to guess what tree will come down next. :)
Praise the Lord it landed oh so softly. No damage whatsoever. In our neighbor's words, it was guided by the same angels that dropped the other tree right between our parked cars LAST hurricane. Yea, it's tradition...we like to try to guess what tree will come down next. :)
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Hurricane A Comin'
Or a stayin'... Fay should have been long gone, but is yet to pass by us...moving 2mph, I heard.
She has made her presence known in some wind and rain...schools closed, husband home from work...but thankfully we still have power. Which I means I can maybe catch up on some bloggin'!
I am going to back date some posts that should have been up here long ago. For some reason, I feel the need to keep it all in order. So scroll down...there may be something new.
OK, off to get started...
EDIT: Five new posts below and we still have electricity! Going to make dinner...stay tuned, tomorrow is another hurricane day! :)
She has made her presence known in some wind and rain...schools closed, husband home from work...but thankfully we still have power. Which I means I can maybe catch up on some bloggin'!
I am going to back date some posts that should have been up here long ago. For some reason, I feel the need to keep it all in order. So scroll down...there may be something new.
OK, off to get started...
EDIT: Five new posts below and we still have electricity! Going to make dinner...stay tuned, tomorrow is another hurricane day! :)
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Happy Anniversary!
Eight years! I remember us talking about our eighth year of marriage during our first year of marriage. It would be the year we would both turn thirty. We had big plans and many dreams... Life has turned out differently, but one thing has remained the same. We still have each other. I am thankful...and truly blessed.
OK, I really wanted to post some wedding pictures, but we are no longer own a scanner. Scanners hold bad memories...so thus, our house has been purged of them.
Our first Christmas together - we were engaged and I was beside myself in anticipation of what my soon-to-be-husband would give his soon-to-be-bride for Christmas. Can you guess it? It was my first clue that my romantic dreams were about to take a very nerdy turn. My dearly beloved bought me a scanner. A scanner. Granted it was the cutest scanner ever,(He did know me that much. If I am going to own something electronic, it better be the cutest one), but...still...a scanner.
That was the first and last scanner that has ever been in our home...and I can't say it stayed very long.
So, having said that...I share with you blurry pictures of our wedding pictures (taken by the cutest camera ever)...
I love you, Baby! And it really is true...I love you WAY more today than I did on that day. I would have never thought that possible.
OK, I really wanted to post some wedding pictures, but we are no longer own a scanner. Scanners hold bad memories...so thus, our house has been purged of them.
Our first Christmas together - we were engaged and I was beside myself in anticipation of what my soon-to-be-husband would give his soon-to-be-bride for Christmas. Can you guess it? It was my first clue that my romantic dreams were about to take a very nerdy turn. My dearly beloved bought me a scanner. A scanner. Granted it was the cutest scanner ever,(He did know me that much. If I am going to own something electronic, it better be the cutest one), but...still...a scanner.
That was the first and last scanner that has ever been in our home...and I can't say it stayed very long.
So, having said that...I share with you blurry pictures of our wedding pictures (taken by the cutest camera ever)...
I love you, Baby! And it really is true...I love you WAY more today than I did on that day. I would have never thought that possible.
Friday, August 8, 2008
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Happy Day!
Warning: This has the possibility of becoming a mushy, midnight post... just a head's up...
I feel like a school girl, giddy in love! I can't even sleep my heart is so full.
My house is quiet...everyone is sound asleep. The sound of me typing is the only sound in the house. So strange how this quiet is comforting...yet, I have experienced "quiet" this week that felt crushing.
It's been a long week. Whew! One I am thankful is behind me. I have thought of writing on here many times for no other reason other than someone to talk too...it would have been very transparent and you can be very thankful I didn't. :)
I felt like a single mom this week...and have the utmost respect for those that do it all the time. Part of my hard week was the guilt that ate at me for being so wimpy. I know there are so many wives holding their home together while husbands are away for months...or years...or forever. Wimpy me, I couldn't take it more than a couple days and I was crying my eyes out. Shawn worked A LOT this week. He was lucky if he made it home before 10 but most nights it was after midnight.
I have been through weeks like this before, but unfortunately, this one hit me when I was very emotional. I was needy. I just plain missed Shawn. 4:00 was my trigger everyday...and the tears would come. The evenings seemed terribly long. After the kids were in bed, the quiet was deafening. (And during the day the kids were deafening - not sure which I preferred.) Thanks to the tears everyday, I had a constant sinus headache. I would lay awake at night worrying about tomorrow. And then beat myself up more for worrying. OK, yea...let's just say, I was a nice MESS come Thursday.
But today...oh, today...
My dear husband actually got home early yesterday...we were able to eat dinner together and the kids were thrilled! (OK, not just the kids were thrilled.) Only Connor (the early bird) had seen Shawn at all this week. Otherwise, he was up and gone before the girls even thought of stirring. They were really missing him too.
He got in some down time with friends last night and went to see a movie. But then today...things felt so normal. He did lawn work this morning. I cleaned up in the house....we ate lunch together. Half of us took naps...I did some grocery shopping...all nice, normal Saturday family things.
But then...oh, but then...
4:00 came. Grandma came. And Mommy and Daddy were able to leave...LEAVE! Can you imagine? Don't get me wrong, I love my children DEARLY, but it was for their own good I had some alone time with their Daddy.
We saw an early movie (Batman - I only saw like half of it...much of the time my face was hidden under Shawn's arm...but that was fun too) and then had a late dinner. It was a wonderful time that left me...
Well, like this...up late, feeling silly for feeling so crazy in love with my husband. I can still smell his deodorant as I hid my head under his arm. It makes my stomach do flip flops (in a good way). I can still see him smile at me when I jumped out of my chair during one of the many scary parts in the movie. And then dinner! We got to talk...like real TALK! Not just half sentences in between children talking...or just grunting at each other because we are too exhausted to do anything else. But talking...with whole words and sentences even! I felt like he should drop me off at home and kiss me goodnight. It was glorious. I am so blessed!!
I pray, I long for better vision...to see past what I am dealing with in the now, to the blessing that waits on the other side. Not just date night...but eternal blessings. Blessings for sticking out the long days with patience. For responding to my children in love. For smiling instead of crying. For praying instead of screaming. For safely and soundly putting my security in the Lord instead of Shawn being home.
I have a long way to go...but oh, how I long for that. Yes, it was a good Saturday...and I am so looking forward to church tomorrow...but Monday is coming. And I pray that my eyes would see beyond my NOW...to the eternal.
Thank you, Lord for having patience with me...and blessing me with such sweet children, and a loving husband. They are way more than I deserve.
I feel like a school girl, giddy in love! I can't even sleep my heart is so full.
My house is quiet...everyone is sound asleep. The sound of me typing is the only sound in the house. So strange how this quiet is comforting...yet, I have experienced "quiet" this week that felt crushing.
It's been a long week. Whew! One I am thankful is behind me. I have thought of writing on here many times for no other reason other than someone to talk too...it would have been very transparent and you can be very thankful I didn't. :)
I felt like a single mom this week...and have the utmost respect for those that do it all the time. Part of my hard week was the guilt that ate at me for being so wimpy. I know there are so many wives holding their home together while husbands are away for months...or years...or forever. Wimpy me, I couldn't take it more than a couple days and I was crying my eyes out. Shawn worked A LOT this week. He was lucky if he made it home before 10 but most nights it was after midnight.
I have been through weeks like this before, but unfortunately, this one hit me when I was very emotional. I was needy. I just plain missed Shawn. 4:00 was my trigger everyday...and the tears would come. The evenings seemed terribly long. After the kids were in bed, the quiet was deafening. (And during the day the kids were deafening - not sure which I preferred.) Thanks to the tears everyday, I had a constant sinus headache. I would lay awake at night worrying about tomorrow. And then beat myself up more for worrying. OK, yea...let's just say, I was a nice MESS come Thursday.
But today...oh, today...
My dear husband actually got home early yesterday...we were able to eat dinner together and the kids were thrilled! (OK, not just the kids were thrilled.) Only Connor (the early bird) had seen Shawn at all this week. Otherwise, he was up and gone before the girls even thought of stirring. They were really missing him too.
He got in some down time with friends last night and went to see a movie. But then today...things felt so normal. He did lawn work this morning. I cleaned up in the house....we ate lunch together. Half of us took naps...I did some grocery shopping...all nice, normal Saturday family things.
But then...oh, but then...
4:00 came. Grandma came. And Mommy and Daddy were able to leave...LEAVE! Can you imagine? Don't get me wrong, I love my children DEARLY, but it was for their own good I had some alone time with their Daddy.
We saw an early movie (Batman - I only saw like half of it...much of the time my face was hidden under Shawn's arm...but that was fun too) and then had a late dinner. It was a wonderful time that left me...
Well, like this...up late, feeling silly for feeling so crazy in love with my husband. I can still smell his deodorant as I hid my head under his arm. It makes my stomach do flip flops (in a good way). I can still see him smile at me when I jumped out of my chair during one of the many scary parts in the movie. And then dinner! We got to talk...like real TALK! Not just half sentences in between children talking...or just grunting at each other because we are too exhausted to do anything else. But talking...with whole words and sentences even! I felt like he should drop me off at home and kiss me goodnight. It was glorious. I am so blessed!!
I pray, I long for better vision...to see past what I am dealing with in the now, to the blessing that waits on the other side. Not just date night...but eternal blessings. Blessings for sticking out the long days with patience. For responding to my children in love. For smiling instead of crying. For praying instead of screaming. For safely and soundly putting my security in the Lord instead of Shawn being home.
I have a long way to go...but oh, how I long for that. Yes, it was a good Saturday...and I am so looking forward to church tomorrow...but Monday is coming. And I pray that my eyes would see beyond my NOW...to the eternal.
Thank you, Lord for having patience with me...and blessing me with such sweet children, and a loving husband. They are way more than I deserve.
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