When Shawn called me to tell me he would be flying out that same night for Ohio, I wasn’t surprised. Although he hadn’t taken a business trip in over 5 years, I knew it was coming. Not because we had talked about it. Not because anything in his work had changed, but rather I realized God was doing a work in my heart that would require Shawn leaving again to be complete.
About two weeks before that phone call, I sat in Bible study with a group of ladies from church with tears pouring down my face as I listened to Beth Moore teach on Esther chapter 4. From one of her first sentences until the final prayer, I felt as though she was talking directly to me. I knew God was.
“Self-preservation can keep us from our destiny – but we can be set free today.” Oh, how I wanted to be set free that day. Without a doubt some serious rattling of my chains took place that day.
Beth talked about facing your fears. My greatest fear was a secret. My friends knew I struggled with fear, but they didn’t really know why I was so afraid. She talked about letting your mind go there – to your greatest fear. And then ask yourself “then what?” What IF your greatest fear happens – then what? The answer is “then God.” No matter what God will be there to pick you up. He will take care of you.
She told how the most frequent command in the Bible is “Don’t be afraid.” God knew how fearful we would be, so He gently reminds us over and over again. I begin to wonder, how different my life would look without fear.
“Courage is not the absence of fear, but knowing there is something more important than fear… We will never know abundant life if we remain in the stronghold of fear.” I never wanted to settle for the American Dream. My life was called to be “spent” but now I was too afraid to even consider the cost.
Beth told us God offers courage, “Take courage!” He says. And I took it. Not all of it, but enough for me to want more. I remember vividly walking to pick up my kids from school that day feeling lighter. A weight of fear lifted. I knew I would be tested, but for the first time, I wasn’t afraid.
So when Shawn called to tell me he would be leaving that very night for Ohio for a week, I was not surprised or anxious. I was ready. I expected God’s presence to once again fill the house as it did when Shawn was in Honduras – and I couldn’t wait for that.
I dropped Shawn off at the airport and headed home feeling strong and ready to conquer the week. Then the sun went down…
To be continued…
Freedom from Fear - Pt. 1
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