Freedom from Fear - Pt. 2

When Shawn called me to tell me he would be flying out that same night for Ohio, I wasn’t surprised. Although he hadn’t taken a business trip in over 5 years, I knew it was coming. Not because we had talked about it. Not because anything in his work had changed, but rather I realized God was doing a work in my heart that would require Shawn leaving again to be complete.

About two weeks before that phone call, I sat in Bible study with a group of ladies from church with tears pouring down my face as I listened to Beth Moore teach on Esther chapter 4. From one of her first sentences until the final prayer, I felt as though she was talking directly to me. I knew God was.

“Self-preservation can keep us from our destiny – but we can be set free today.” Oh, how I wanted to be set free that day. Without a doubt some serious rattling of my chains took place that day.

Beth talked about facing your fears. My greatest fear was a secret. My friends knew I struggled with fear, but they didn’t really know why I was so afraid. She talked about letting your mind go there – to your greatest fear. And then ask yourself “then what?” What IF your greatest fear happens – then what? The answer is “then God.” No matter what God will be there to pick you up. He will take care of you.

She told how the most frequent command in the Bible is “Don’t be afraid.” God knew how fearful we would be, so He gently reminds us over and over again. I begin to wonder, how different my life would look without fear.

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but knowing there is something more important than fear… We will never know abundant life if we remain in the stronghold of fear.” I never wanted to settle for the American Dream. My life was called to be “spent” but now I was too afraid to even consider the cost.

Beth told us God offers courage, “Take courage!” He says. And I took it. Not all of it, but enough for me to want more. I remember vividly walking to pick up my kids from school that day feeling lighter. A weight of fear lifted. I knew I would be tested, but for the first time, I wasn’t afraid.

So when Shawn called to tell me he would be leaving that very night for Ohio for a week, I was not surprised or anxious. I was ready. I expected God’s presence to once again fill the house as it did when Shawn was in Honduras – and I couldn’t wait for that.

I dropped Shawn off at the airport and headed home feeling strong and ready to conquer the week. Then the sun went down…

To be continued…

Freedom from Fear - Pt. 1

My Favorite Christmas Present

By far, my favorite gift this Christmas was from my dear husband. Smart man that he is, listened, oh so closely to something I had been wanting...but probably would not have bought for myself.

I recently have developed a very high respect and love for the work of Kay Arthur. I have done a couple of her studies before, but it had been quite a long while (probably 10 years long while). My memories of her were all wrapped up in the Bible markings she asked of you. Honestly, it would make me cringe. I love my Bible, and I love making it mine, but I didn't care for the rainbow mess her studies would leave behind. Actually, it is very likely I skipped all those parts and consequently ended up not impressed.

Just before Christmas, I finished "Anointed, Transformed, Redeemed: A Study on David" by Priscilla Shirer, Beth Moore and Kay Arthur. Love all those ladies, but walked away deeply touched by Kay Arthur. (Had a very similar experience when I saw them all in Atlanta last summer.) She still had the "circle this, square that" stuff in there and while I still cringed at it - I actually did it this time. WOW. I learned so much!

It left me wanting to do more of her studies, but all the marking...eh! Finally, I came up with what I thought was my brilliant idea: to get a cheap Bible specifically for her studies and then I could mark in it without cringing. (It wasn't until I the had the new Bible and study in my hand that I read in her intro that she recommends getting a Bible just for her studies. So much for my great idea.) :)

So, have you guessed what my sweet husband gave me for Christmas yet? Yep, a new Bible (a pink one at that!), Kay Arthur's study on Acts and a brand new set of colored pens (oh, I do love pens!). And being the Bible study nerd that I am...I was beside myself with delight! I was even more excited about it than my gift cards (my usual favorite gift - because if I am not doing Bible study, I would like to be shopping!)

So on Christmas Eve, after we opened our presents (yes, we open presents on Christmas Eve...) I sat down to devour my new Bible study...and devour I did. It was a thirteen week study and I just finished it last night. It was SO good! I would start reading after the kids were in bed and it would be 1am and I would scarcely notice. It was always a struggle to put down, no matter how late it was.

And you know what the coolest thing about all this is? It wasn't the Bible study that I couldn't put down - that is just an itty bitty book of directions and questions. It was the Word of God that captivated me so! I fell in love with Paul. I cried when he went to Jerusalem - knowing what awaited him there. I was completely moved by the Holy Spirit and blown away at knowing that same Spirit fills me! I am not living near up to the power God can enable me too.

I shared with my husband, early on how this study had really brought out how lazy I am with Bible study. I am used to sitting on the couch, reading my Bible, and then looking to Beth Moore or another author to fill me in on what it was saying. If you have done a Kay Arthur study, you know, she doesn't much do that. She would ask questions and many times I wouldn't know the answer. I would wait for her to explain, but she didn't. However, as I stayed in the Word, I could see God answering my questions. Sometimes I did a little more research on my own (actually getting up off the couch and looking things up on the computer). Many times the answers would bring more questions...some that are still unanswered. But one thing holds true: I have been greatly affected by the power of this book.

So I am sharing all this basically to say, I have a new found love for the book of Acts. And I don't want to get over it. I don't want to forget what God taught me on my short stay there. I planned on sharing more of what I learned in this post and less about why I did the study in the first place...but I will just let it be what it is and come back with a post devoted entirely to the amazing book of Acts! I bet you can't wait! ;)

Dangerous Surrender

"Much is required from those to whom much is given." Luke 12:48

A couple weeks ago, I started the book Dangerous Surrender by Kay Warren. I am only on the third chapter, but I have read and re-read those three chapters numerous times. I want to get this...really get this.

Her writing has gripped my heart, brought me to tears, and left me speechless. I struggle even now to describe the impact I felt from it.

I have spent evenings pouring over this book (literally pouring tears) only to set it down at last and notice the questioning look of my husband from across the room. At one point, he asked me if it was fiction. The solitary word "No" was all I could get out. The other night he picked up a mascara-filled tissue crumpled up on the couch. "Reading that book again?" He asked. "Yep..." I said. I could find no other words.

I am still struggling to find the words...

Last Sunday I sat through church with tears streaming down my face. I am convinced our Pastor is reading this same book. Or God is just that good. Quite possibly both. As he spoke, these paragraphs below echoed over and over in my head. I barely got to the car before flipping through the books pages to read them again.

It's very easy for us to remain aloof and untouched by the suffering that defines the existence of the vast majority of people on this planet. I have read that if you have food in your refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead, and a place to sleep, you are richer than 75 percent of the people in this world. If you have any money in the bank and some in your wallet and some spare change in a dish somewhere, you are among the top 8 percent of the world's wealthy; 92 percent have less to live on than you do. If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation, you are ahead of 500 million other people in the world. If you can attend worship services at church without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death, you are more blessed than three billion people in the world.

I don't tell you this to make you feel guilty - but I do hope you feel uncomfortable. I hope these statistics disturb you. God in his sovereignty decided where you would be born and allowed you to live in a place that has almost everything anyone could ever desire, so there is no guilt that he has ordered our lives in such a way. The only guilt we bear is the guilt of ignoring the men, women, and children of this world who do not have what we have – the guilt of spending the majority of our time, money, and resources exclusively on ourselves and our families. That is legitimate guilt.

I have no idea what God is doing, but there is a familiar unrest stirring in my soul. There are things in my life that God is calling me to surrender. My prayer is that my desire to obey will be matched by my actions. I want to say "yes" no matter what. Lord, help me do it.

Fall Bible Study Line-up Complete

It felt like a long time coming, but it all finally came together last week. The studies start in less than a month! I can't believe it. It will be a busy three weeks (once Fay leaves). I am grateful for the down time and the electricity. It has given me plenty of time to get some much needed work done (I really have done more than just blog!) :)

OK, enough rambling...here is the line-up:

• The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian
• Breaking Free: Making Liberty in Christ a Reality in Life by Beth Moore
• No Other Gods: Confronting Our Modern Day Idols by Kelly Minter
• Conversation Peace by Mary A. Kassian
• Anointed, Transformed, Redeemed: A Study of David by Priscilla Shirer, Beth Moore and Kay Arthur
• Walking by Faith: Lessons Learned in the Dark by Jennifer Rothchild
• Living Beyond Yourself: Exploring the Fruit of the Spirit by Beth Moore
• Stepping Up: A Journey Through the Psalms of Ascent by Beth Moore
• Heaven: My Father's House by Anne Graham Lotz
• For Women Only: The Bible Study by Shaunti Feldhahn

I think this may be my favorite line-up yet. Some good studies listed...a few possibly my all time favorites. God did good! And it was well worth the wait.

Cross Centered Life

May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ… Galatians 6:14

For I determined to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified… 1 Corinthians 2:2

If you have been reading this blog for any length of time, you probably know by now, I find myself “obsessed” or passionate (is the term I prefer) about certain topics quite often. One usually leads to another. I like to think God is teaching me these things. My tabernacle obsession lead to me to want to know more about Heaven and that left me with a passion for the gospel…that led me to pick up this book: Living the Cross Centered Life - Keeping the Gospel the Main Thing by C.J. Mahaney.

I have reread parts of this book numerous times…so many huge truths packed into this tiny treasure. I skimmed over and searched the pages, trying to decide what I wanted to share on here…what I wanted to look back upon with only a click of the mouse…what I wanted to remember. I could pull a bit from nearly every page, but that would either bore those who have read it or ruin it for those who have not. I decided rather to share a good amount from two portions of the book that impacted me the most. These parts are the ones that drew my sobbing heart to the foot of the cross more than ever before. He had to endure it all because of me. And I would rise praising Him because He did endure it...and He endured it instead of me.

C.J. explains with great clarity God’s holiness, man’s sinfulness, our need of a Savior and why only Jesus could be that for us. This book helped me understand big words and big concepts such as justification, sanctification, legalism and condemnation. But my heart changed the most…moved the closest to the cross somewhere in the middle where C.J. takes chapters to explain all Jesus endured from Gethsemane to his last breath.

Here are only small portions of two of those chapters:

From Chapter Six: Staring into the Cup - The Shock of Gethsemane

“Remove this cup,” Jesus pleads in the garden. Isaiah 51:17 shows us this cup in God’s extended hand – it’s “the cup of wrath,” and for those who drink from it, it’s “the cup of staggering.” The cup contains the full vehemence and fierceness of God’s holy wrath poured out against all sin, and we discover in Scripture that it’s intended for all of sinful humanity to drink. It’s your cup…and mine. No wonder that when Jesus stares into this detestable vessel, He stumbles to the ground.

“Yet not what I will, but what You will.” As we watch Jesus pray in agony in Gethsemane, He has every right to turn His tearful eyes toward you and me and shout, “This is your cup. You’re responsible for this. It’s your sin! You drink it.” This cup should rightfully be thrust into my hand and yours. Instead, Jesus freely takes it Himself…so that from the cross He can look down at you and me, whisper our names, and say, “I drain this cup for you – for you who have lived in defiance of Me, who have hated Me, who have oppressed Me. I drink it all…for you.”

This is what our sin makes necessary. This is what’s required by your pride and my pride, by your selfishness and my selfishness, by your disobedience and my disobedience. Behold Him…behold His suffering…and recognize His love.

From Chapter 8: The Scream of the Damned - Our Savior's Worst Torment

"Why have You forsaken Me?"
Jesus is experiencing what you and I should be receiving - His Father's full and furious wrath. He's experiencing what every other human being in history deserves and what He alone does not deserve. And He's experiencing it alone.

He who for all eternity has never been alone is now wholly abandoned. Such utter desolation has never even existed before in all eternity, because of the infinite love and fellowship of the Trinity, which can never be broken. But now the incarnate Son must be forsaken by the Father...because the Father is holy, and there in the Father's sight is "the most grotesque display of ugliness imaginable," as R.C. Sproul termed it. It's the monstrous sight of the unbound totality of human sin resting upon one Man.

Jesus doesn't just feel forsaken; He is forsaken...It isn't a deceptive feeling; it's reality. In Gethsemane, when Jesus looked into the cup, this is what He had seen. This is what had staggered Him.

Why alone? He's alone so that we might never be alone. He cries out to God, "Why have you forsaken Me?" so that you and I will never have to make a similar cry. He was cut off from His Father so that we can boldly say, "Nothing shall separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus." He's forsaken so that we might be forgiven.

God, in abandoning His Son, is treating Jesus as a sinner so that He can treat you and me - who are sinners - as if were were righteous...all because of Jesus.

Summer Studies

For those that might be interested, I wanted to share our newest Bible study line-up. Truth be told, I bubble over with excitement when it is finally complete...I can't NOT share it! :) MY plans for this summer was something small...I thought maybe four studies at the most. Well, my friends, God had other ideas. It just kept growing, right up until two days ago and we now have a full line-up with amazing studies and leaders!

• Slightly Bad Girls of the Bible: Flawed Women Loved by a Flawless God by Liz Curtis Higgs
• Sacred Romance: Drawing Closer to the Heart of God by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge
• He Speaks to Me: Preparing to Hear from God by Priscilla Shirer
• The Patriarchs: Encountering the God of Abraham, Isaac & Jacob by Beth Moore
• Stepping Up: A Journey Through the Psalms of Accent by Beth Moore
• Can We Talk? Soul-stirring Conversations with God by Priscilla Shirer
• Attending the Bride of Christ: Preparing for His Return by Martha Lawley
• Secrets of the Vine by Bruce Wilkinson

Isn't that great variety?! Who could have done that but God?!

Half of these studies were promoted at the Beth Moore Conference (how cool is that?!) and we have already had a great response. The summer has potential to get rather large. I am excited and just incredibly honored to be a part of this eternal work that is SO much bigger than me. In way over my head, but it is all resting at Jesus' feet. These are His Bible studies...His ministry and His body being fed.

So...what do YOU think? Any suggestions or ideas - even for next time around? Have you taken any of these already? Love to hear your thoughts...

The Cross

I have always loved hymns, but so many of these old songs recently starting hitting me fresh. I hope you don't mind if I share a few more brilliantly penned lyrics...

At the Cross
Isaac Watts

Alas, and did my Saviour bleed,
And did my Sov'reign die?
Would He devote that sacred head
For sinners such as I?

Was it for crimes that I had done
He groaned upon the tree?
Amazing pity, grace unknown
And love beyond degree!

Well might the sun in darkness hide,
And shut his glories in,
When Christ the mighty Maker died
For man, the creature's sin.

But drops of grief can ne'er repay
The debt of love I owe:
Here, Lord, I give myself away,
'Tis all that I can do!


When I Survey the Wondrous Cross
Isaac Watts

When I survey the wondrous cross,
On which the Prince of glory died,
My richest gain I count but loss,
And poor contempt on all my pride.

Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast,
Save in the death of Christ, my God
All the vain things that charm me most,
I sacrifice them to His blood.

See, from His head, His hands, His feet,
Sorrow and love flow mingled down;
Did e'er such love and sorrow meet,
Or thorns compose so rich a crown?

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were a present far too small;
Love so amazing, so divine
Demands my soul, my life, my all.

Questions...

I Gave My Life for Thee

Frances R. Havergal

I gave My life for thee,

My precious blood I shed,

That thou might'st ransomed be,

And quickened from the dead;

I gave, I gave My life for thee,

What hast thou giv'n for Me?

My Father's house of light,

My glory-circled throne,

I left, for earthly night,

For wand'rings sad and lone;

I left, I left it all for thee,

Hast thou left aught for Me?

I suffered much for thee,

More than thy tongue can tell,

Of bitt'rest agony,

To rescue thee from hell;

I've borne, I've borne it all for thee,

What hast thou borne for Me?

And I have brought to thee,

Down from My home above,

Salvation full and free,

My pardon and My love;

I bring, I bring rich gifts to thee,

What hast thou brought to Me?

I hear Him asking me...

"All this I did for you. What have you done for Me?"

Heaven

So you may or may not know, but I have been doing the Bible study Heaven by Randy Alcorn. Chances are if you have talked to me at all the past six weeks, whether it be in person, phone, email or IM, I have mentioned this book or Heaven or both. :) It might be an understatement to say that I have been pretty engrossed in Heaven. I can't stop thinking about it...can't stop talking it about it. Whenever it pops in my mind, I get this huge, silly grin on my face that won't go away. I am just so stinkin' excited about Heaven! I am beside myself in anticipation! I absolutely CAN NOT wait!

This book has dramatically (I can't put into words how much) changed my view of eternity and greatly impacted how I live today. I have been wanting to share more on here, but was at a loss as to know where to start. My dear friend, Tara who listened patiently to all I learned about Heaven, wrote about it today on her blog. She writes from her heart...it is beautiful...you can read it here.

Hot Off the Press!

Finally complete and ready for the our church worship folder (after blood, sweat and tears...ok, just tears - can I accomplish anything without tears?) is the winter woman's Bible study line-up! It will hopefully be online with all the details this week (for you locals) but here is a list of the titles that will be available come January. I know I am a bit biased but I think this is an amazing, I repeat amazing, selection of studies!

• Disciplines of a Godly Woman by Barbara Hughes
• Out of the Valley-Postpartum Depression/Post-Adoption Depression Support
• Free from Bondage God's Way - Study on Galatians/Ephesians by Kay Arthur
• Daniel:Lives of Integrity, Words of Prophecy by Beth Moore
• Stepping Up: A Journey Through the Psalms of Accent by Beth Moore
• Discerning the Voice of God by Priscilla Shirer
• Brokenness: The Heart God Revives by Nancy Leigh DeMoss
• Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas
• A Woman's Heart: God's Dwelling Place by Beth Moore
• Heaven by Randy Alcorn

Whatcha think?

He Speaks to Me

"He Speaks to Me" by Priscilla Shirer has been sitting in my current reading pile for awhile now. It is with a bit of sadness that I place it on my bookshelf. I did this study twice, back to back. I read through it with Tara and then felt God leading me to facilitate this same study at our church this fall. I was blessed immensely both times. Priscilla's sweet, yet stern in her conviction:

• Ministry is when people don't want more of you, they want more of Him. Oh, God, don't let me ever forget!
• Our desire shouldn't be to impress God, but to have a relationship with Him. He is the reward! He is Heaven!
• If we continue to allow God to fill us, sooner or later we'll find that nothing else will satisfy. So true...
• The King of kings and Lord of lords makes Himself available to all of us, even beggars, no, especially beggars - when we are hungry for Him. So amazing...I don't think I will ever cease to be amazed by this!
• And finally, I learned that my family is my first ministry. Their "interruptions" are not really interruptions at all but rather God's plan for my day. To ignore them, is to ignore God's voice...ouch...

The entire study is pulled from the life of the child Samuel the night he heard God speak. She has amazing insight. The book seems to build...getting better and better with each chapter and ends in such a way, you beg for more...more of Him.

By far, one of my favorite quotes is this:

God is too great to be impressed by all our activity. People might be impressed, but God won't be. We bring a smile to His face when we sit at His feet, hear His voice, and discover the secrets reserved for His friends. May we respond to the Lord as David did: "My heart has heard you say, 'Come and talk with me.' And my heart responds, 'Lord, I am coming'" (Psalm 27:8 NLT).

May I always respond, "Lord, I am coming!"

The Altar of Sacrifice

As you enter the eastern gate of the Tabernacle, your attention is immediately grabbed by the large Bronze Altar. Made of an incorruptible wood and overlaid with bronze, it stands elevated and strong in the center of the courtyard. It is accessible, and it is unavoidable. You walk up to it. You are so close you could touch it. You can smell the stench of blood…precious blood. Precious because isn’t yours. You walk around it…visit it’s four corners where on each lies a horn. And then you step back and behold its glory.

To behold the Bronze Altar, the altar of sacrifice, is to behold the cross of Christ. Jesus, the ultimate sacrifice was laid upon a wooden altar, “And by that will, we have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once and for all.” (Hebrews 10:10) This altar bears testimony that sin requires a payment but also that God has a plan. To come to this altar, repent of sin, accept the sacrifice is to obtain salvation. The Israelites made atonement daily. Christ, the perfect Lamb, did it once and for all. In Him our debt of sin is satisfied.

Just as clearly as Christ is seen in the sacrifice, He is also seen in every detail of the altar. The wood speaks of His humanity, the bronze the judgment He endured as He took our sins upon Him. As the blood covers the four corners of the altar, so His blood covers the four corners of the world. His sacrifice was for all. The horns secured the sacrifice to the altar; Christ was held to the cross by love but in doing so, secured our place in Heaven. He is the horn of our salvation! (Psalm 18:2) At the end, the priest pours out the blood at the base of the altar. “This is my blood covenant, which is poured out for the forgiveness of sins.” (Matthew 26:28) It covers. It atones. It is enough.

Still held captive by the altar, your knees begin to tremble. You can not walk any further into the tabernacle until you have bowed at this altar. You can not get any closer to God until you have knelt at the cross. Your sins are weighing heavy upon you. You can no longer stand. Falling to the ground you throw yourself upon the altar and cast your sins upon the Sacrifice. The fire consumes, the blood falls and you are forgiven.

As you turn from the altar you are changed…whether it is your first time or your fiftieth you can’t visit the cross and remain the same. It should have been you, but it wasn’t. The price has been paid. The sacrifice been made. “It is finished.” (John 19:30)

Facedown

Face Down
by Matt Redman

Welcomed in to the courts of the King
I've been ushered in to Your presence
Lord, I stand on Your merciful ground
Yet with every step tread with reverence

And I'll fall facedown
As Your glory shines around
Yes, I'll fall facedown
As Your glory shines around

Who is there in the heavens like You?
And upon the earth, who's Your equal?
You are far above, You're the highest of heights
We are bowing down to exalt You

So let Your glory shine around
Let Your glory shine around
King of glory, here be found
King of glory

In my study of the Tabernacle, I have been left facedown like never before. I am completely blown away by His greatness…His consistency…His persistence. That He would welcome one such as me into His Presence leaves me with no words…only tears. Even now they stream down my face as I try to put some sort of description to what my heart feels. This may ring meaningless to anyone except me, but I have to write…I have to write something.

There is nothing, absolutely nothing like the Presence of God. It is so available, so attainable…and yet I struggle to find the time to just sit…sit in Him. I long for the day when my flesh will be gone and I can know nothing except Him.

Exodus 33 echoes my heart cry. It begins with God telling Moses that the Israelites will be going to the Promised Land, a land flowing with milk and honey, but God will not be accompanying them. The people mourned and Moses interceded. He begged of God, “If your presence does not go…don’t make us go up from here.” (Exodus 33:15)

It wasn’t enough to be given God’s gifts or receive His promises. Victory over enemies, food from Heaven, led by an angel of God yet Moses needed more. He would not be satisfied with anything less than God Himself. If God was missing, the Promised Land meant nothing. It wasn’t worth another step if God wasn’t going with them. So Moses humbled Himself and pleaded…begged even.

And God agrees to go with the Israelites. But still, amazingly enough, Moses was not satisfied. I can almost hear his desperation, “Please, let me see Your glory.” (Exodus 33:18) And God complied, “I will cause all My goodness to pass in front of you.” (Exodus 33:19) Can you imagine?

Can you imagine experiencing God’s glory, experiencing what makes Him God alone? I imagine His glory is found in His Presence and so in His Presence I seek to be.

Oh, Lord, do you hear my own beggar’s heart pleading? I don’t want to go another moment without your Presence. I won’t take another step without You meeting me here. I need You, Lord, more than I need Your blessings!

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness because they will be filled.” (Matthew 5:6)

“Therefore let us approach the throne of grace with boldness…” (Hebrews 4:14).

Let us not forget for a moment that it is because of Jesus. It is through Him, represented in the Tabernacle, that God dwelt with the Israelites and it is through Him on the cross that we can dwell with God forever. It is only because of Him that we are welcomed into God’s courts, welcomed further into the Holy Place. He ripped through the veil so that we could know the Holy of Holies. We can see God’s glory, experience His Presence…and fall facedown.

Our Daily Bread

“He humbled you by letting you go hungry; then He gave you manna to eat, which you and your fathers had not known, so that you might learn that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD.” Deuteronomy 8:3


Still sleepy, she stretches and yawns slowly rising. The cool morning air immediately fills her nostrils as she rises from her bed on the ground. She quickly grabs a basket as she pulls back the door of her tent to begin her most important task for the day. She stops short upon seeing the white covered ground and stands there in wonder. She first awoke to this site over 4,000 days ago yet the thrill of God’s daily provision never ceases to amaze her. She bends down and begins to gather enough manna to feed her and her family. As she holds the food of the angels in her palm she contemplates this “what” as they call it, this “manna.” Nothing special about these white flakes, nothing in its appearance to make it desirable, yet it nourishes...it saves. It provides all that is needed to sustain for that day…yet, so much more. As she continues to collect the manna she quiets her soul and listens. She knows they laugh at her for her reverence in this duty that has become mundane for many. But if she really listens with her heart she hears more than the gossip and chattering around her. It is as though each morning through this mysterious bread, God speaks.

“What” is it saying?

Deuteronomy 32:2 says, “Let my teaching fall like rain and my words settle like dew.” Every morning the manna spoke volumes of God’s faithfulness. His promises were declared gloriously every morning. He would provide...He would provide…He would provide…And not only bread to meet our physical needs but a Savior to meet our spiritual needs. The manna not only told of the “what” it told of the “Who”. Its physical state foretold of the Messiah…the bread of Life. The white manna fell from Heaven. Jesus, pure and spotless descended to earth.

They ate manna in the wilderness yet died, but those that eat of the true bread from Heaven will never die (John 6:32-35). Just as God provided the manna for the Israelites to eat, He gave His only Son as living bread. “And He [Jesus] took bread, gave thanks, broke it, gave it to them, and said, ‘This is My body, which is given for you.’”(Luke 22:19). God provided manna, they gathered it. God provides His Son, we accept Him. The rest is blessed grace!

In the quiet of the morning the faithfulness of the manna falling proclaimed loudly the faithfulness of God to give us what we need to live today…and to give us what we need to live eternally. Only Jesus, The Word made flesh, can satisfy our hungry souls.

Sleepily she awoke and walked to the kitchen window and opened the blinds. As the sun was rising and dew shining, she opened her Bible. As she did each morning, she prayed, “Lord, speak…” She knew this was the most important part of her day. She needed to hear from Him before she could accomplish all she needed to do for her family. And just as every other morning, God was faithful. He gave her words to nourish her soul. He gave her what she needed for that day…and so much more. She stood and gazed down at the words He had provided…nothing so grand that she heard angels sing as she read them, yet she stood in wonder. The thrill of God’s Word never ceased to amaze her. No matter how often you eat of it, you never reach the bottom. His provision is perfect every day and continues for eternity. “Your words were found, and I ate them.” (Jeremiah 15:16).

Next door, a neighbor she barely knows kneels in her bedroom watching the same sun rise. “Oh, if only today would be different.” She hasn’t been asleep yet…what a night. She thought she was over it…over him, but than again he calls and then again she stumbles. She feels the shame over her more intensely than the clothes she is wearing. Through blurred vision she spots a Bible on her nightstand she hasn't opened in years. Someone calls to her from within it but she is afraid…afraid of what He will say. Desperate for change she grabs it anyway…and the manna falls…and His mercy is new…

Here I sit, my Bible open and my soul yearning. “I am so hungry, Lord!” And He speaks, “I am Yahweh your God, who brought you up from the land of Egypt. Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it.” (Psalm 81:10). On my knees, head tilted up and mouth wide open, I wait…I wait for the Word of God to fall like rain. I know it will come because He is faithful.


“The grass withers, the flowers fade, but the word of our God remains forever.” Isaiah 40:8

God With Us

I am studying the tabernacle through a couple different sources and I am thoroughly captivated. I stand in utter amazement that the holy God of the universe went to such great lengths to dwell among us. And I am not just speaking of the tabernacle, but His continued persistence to go after us. From going after Adam in the garden of Eden, to making a way to dwell with the Israelites in the wilderness, to sending His Son into the world to live among us and then giving us the Holy Spirit to reside in us. Is His story not amazing?

I have been left speechless by the depth of each detail of the tabernacle. I would love to record all my thoughts on here if I can ever get them all together. It is just so way beyond me, what little I grasp I stand with my mouth gaped open. Everything means something and every word points to One. It truly is all about Jesus. The entire construction foretells of the Messiah. He is seen in the wooden altar. He is seen in the sacrifice. In the candlestick, in the veil, in the Ark of the Covenant and inside the ark in the manna – all pictures of Him. I know there is so much more… My fingers can’t keep up to my thoughts and my thoughts can’t keep up to God’s remarkable Word.

I am going to work on putting some of my thoughts on paper…or computer rather. I will have to do it a little at a time or I am afraid my finite mind will explode. Please forgive my obsession with this particular subject. And please feel free to talk back. I would love to hear any information you have to add to my ramblings.

“The Word became flesh and took up residence* among us.” John 1:14
*literally translated "and tabernacled"

Speechless (Daniel 7-12)

Writing this has been difficult. Through this section of Beth Moore’s “Daniel” Bible Study, I learned depths about history and Bible prophecy. I struggled through long names and many dates. I was left completely confused by the end time theories. But through all of this my faith in God grew leaps and bounds. I delighted in “God’s Story” from beginning to end. Bigger than any Spielberg film or best selling novel, is there any wonder where we get our imaginations? What a creative God! This portion of Daniel made me fall in love with God in a new way. I thrilled to see Him keep His Word over and over. I absolutely can’t wait to see Him in all His glory. My faith is bigger than ever that the Father’s Kingdom will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. Finally, I am in awe that we ended the study learning how everything ends.

All I can come up with is bits and pieces of quotes from Beth Moore. Nobody says it better than her. I don’t even know if these excerpts make sense outside of the Bible study, but these are the words I am praying I never forget…

“What we do here matters forever…”
May the words and concepts He taught us [in Daniel] be sealed in us. I don’t ever want to get over this!”
May we go our way like Daniels… The world needs to see it work…Shine bright till all is well.”

There was SO much more. I can’t even begin to account all I learned…all that stirred me. I can’t get over Daniel! I don’t want to get over it! I want to live this! It leaves me speechless…

Resolve and Relevance (Daniel 1-6)

**I just completed Beth Moore’s Daniel study with a women’s group at church. It was an unbelievable study. I learned so much! I have been reviewing my book almost daily, trying to digest all this information. It changed how I want to live my life and I don’t ever want to forget! I could no way share everything on here (and I am sure you wouldn’t want me too)! The study is broken up into two 6 week sections, each one able to stand on its own. I decided to share something from each section that I feel had the most impact on me, as of right now. Concepts from this book keep hitting me afresh every time I revisit them, but for now, this is what is the biggest to me. I also decided for length reasons I would put it into two separate posts. Daniel 7-12 will be coming.**

I have never felt a passion to live in consistent integrity as what I felt after doing these 6 weeks of study. As I looked at Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, my view on integrity changed quite a bit. I realized more than ever what we were here for and what I needed to be doing. The timing of this study was unbelievable and so God. We were facing a family decision as I began Daniel. I never stopped to think once that God would use this to answer our questions, but He did with resounding clearness. The answer stunned both Shawn and I. Not only was it not the answer we desired…it was one that we had determined was not an option. Isn’t that just like God? My life is a whole list of things that I said I would never do. I may share the details later, but for now I am just going to concentrate on the parts of the Daniel study that brought us here.

Two words that are still ringing in my ears from these 6 weeks are resolve and relevance. Daniel 1:8 says, “But Daniel resolved not to defile himself…” Beth reminds us over and over…

“We too will lose our identity and integrity without resolve… Godliness is never accidental, neither is victory coincidental. Both stem from up from daily resolve. The secret is consistency. The lifeblood of integrity is becoming the same person no matter where we are – no matter who is around… Daniel resisted Babylon’s poisonous charms on purpose. So must we… We will live lives of integrity on purpose or we will not do it at all.”

I don’t have to give into every whim I feel or every pleasure I desire. I don’t have to eat from the world’s table. I can practice restraint. I can live with integrity. Even when no one else is watching…is it then God pays the most attention?

I was challenged by her words, “They (Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego) became culturally relevant without becoming spiritually irrelevant. Against all odds, they retained a God-centered worldview so that ultimately the world could view their God.” Amazing. Oh, that I would learn the same! Beth says,

“God’s desire is not for us to turn our churches and Christian gatherings into hideouts from the world. Rather, they’re meant to be places where we become equipped and fortified to minister out in the world. God desires for us to be light-bearers in this dark culture and to be highly effective fruit bearers for the glory of His Name. Can we be culturally relevant for the cause of Christ without becoming spiritually irrelevant? Can we serve the world in the name of Christ without becoming a servant to the world? Can we live in this excessive, self-absorbed culture without becoming corrupted by it?”

Daniel is proof that it can be done, but it won’t be done on accident. And we don’t have to segregate ourselves to do it. We were placed in the time line, in this culture for a purpose. We have a job to do. We have been called to influence. I have often said I in a bubble…my world is my home and my church. God is popping my bubble. Lord, I welcome the popping...

Always the encourager, Beth reminds us, “God isn’t looking for perfection. He is looking for purity of heart, our authentic desire to do His will and give Him the glory.” This next quote sums up what I learned better than any other,

“The world can’t help noticing a life that seems to work. Our lives can become flesh and blood felt boards of the great and glorious paradox. Life is found by losing it for the sake of Christ. A vessel is filled by pouring out. The key to receiving is giving. The key to living is dying to self. The greatest in the kingdom is the servant of all. God has been right all along. His upside down path is the only way to true contentment and satisfaction.”

I kneel in surrender and pray with Beth, “May God stir my remembrance with deep conviction should I forget.” Amen.

Hadassah

Shawn’s 18 hour work day yesterday gave me some quiet evening hours (not that HE is the loud one!) to finish my book. I have been so close to the end for a week now, that it was killing me. Every time I found time to read it, I was just too exhausted to focus. Last night, I was equally tired, but knew how little I sleep when my husband isn't home, so I grabbed a blanket and curled up on the couch determined to finish it...and that is exactly what I did. It was every bit of amazing!

The book is “Hadassah”, a Christian fiction novel based on the book of the Bible, "Esther", and also inspired the recent movie, “One Night with the King". I watched the movie, loved it and couldn’t wait to jump into the book. I must say, I am thankful I watched the movie first and then read the book. The movie dulls in comparison and I not sure I would have left as impressed if I had first read the story.

The glimpse it gives into the head of Esther and the fresh detail that is added to the well- known Bible story is fascinating. I was continually left amazed that a man wrote this book! He has insight into a woman’s head that I didn’t know was possible for one of the opposite sex! I admire his courage to go there.

This book is so much more than a novel! I learned a ton about the history that lead up to the book of Esther and was able to match up so many things with scripture. I was very impressed with the research that must have gone into this project. It starts out strong and never once weakens. It is full of phrases worth underlining and principles that can easily be applied to every day life. I was thrilled with God’s faithfulness, admired Esther’s courage and resolve, and amazed at how the story came around full circle in so many different ways. Truly, "the Most High God who always, even when He is silent, watches over His own." I can not help but smile.

I wish I could write more, but I am really hoping that if you haven’t read it, you will. I don’t want to spoil it for you. Even if you are familiar with the book of the Bible, I guarantee it will be a page turner! I am thoroughly engrossed in the story of Esther now! I even found myself digging out the Veggie Tales, “Esther, the Girl Who Became Queen” and can’t wait for Beth Moore’s “Esther” Bible study!!!

Gripped By His Greatness

Last week, I finished reading “Gripped by the Greatness of God” by James McDonald. I wanted to keep with what I started and write on here what I learned from this book…if I can find the words. I have been struggling with getting it on paper for awhile now – God is so big! I have been persistent in writing it because all too often, I read a great book, think “Oh, that changed my life” and throw it on my bookshelf and never look at it again. This is giving me a good way, not only to reinforce it but an easy way to revisit it in the future. Believe it or not, this really is my shorten version! It isn’t even a long book but it has huge concepts that I am still trying to get my mind around. Don’t worry if you can’t make it through my whole post…it is more for my benefit that I have included it on here.

The book gives a detailed study of six chapters in the book of Isaiah, each deal with a different, but very big characteristic of God. In the first chapter we are ushered into His throne room through Isaiah 6 and given just a glimpse of His holiness. James takes you phrase by phrase through the inconceivable scene. Isaiah is so overcome by the sight of this holy God, he can’t even bring himself to look any higher than the train of His garment before going on to talk about the angels. And in describing the angels, Isaiah again goes back to the holiness of God. “And one called out to another… ‘Holy, Holy, Holy’” (v.3). So many words could have been used here, “but,” James says, “God, in a mystery we could guess at but never comprehend chose that the words spoken continuously before His throne would be of His holiness.” Like Isaiah, with this fresh gaze upon God’s holiness, I felt “ruined”. “Be holy because I am holy.” What a high mountain to climb…if THAT is God, than I am less than nothing and that commandment is completely unattainable. Thankfully, the scene then goes to a loving picture of our forgiving and merciful God, who makes atonement for our sin. James ends the chapter on holiness with a prayer that I have made my own: “Oh, God, I want to see You reigning, not just upon Your throne but in my heart, in my life, in my home, and in my relationships. Pursue me with a desire to be like You that I cannot outrun.”

In the second chapter, we focus on Isaiah 40 and we turn and look back at the His handiwork, the Earth. James list several scientific facts (which I heard quite a bit lately, but still can’t get my head around enough to repeat) about HOW small we are. It all serves to boggle your mind at just HOW big God is. And it works…more than I can comprehend, bigger than I see. But not only did He create all this…He sustains it. Just the same, He created me and sustains me. I fall to my knees, yet again. How can I NOT trust Him? Look at all He created with merely words. Surely, He can take care of me. You would think I would have learned this by now… He owns the cattle on a thousand hills, He is capable of meeting my needs.

Chapter three lead us to another great mountain, the one of God’s sovereignty. Not only can I not climb to the top of this mountain, I can not even see the top! It is so beyond me! I had a hard time with this chapter (Isaiah 45). I lingered here for a couple weeks, determined not to move on until I got it. I never did. But God is still sovereign whether I get it or not. My accepting or rejecting it changes nothing; He works things according to His will regardless. I have to hold on to what I do know: He is good and He does all things well!

The next chapter takes us on a tour of what God is doing in the world and what He is doing IN us (Isaiah 55). We look again at His marvelous creation, His gift of forgiveness, which is for everyone and the humble truth that it is free. I was encouraged by the great work of God’s Word. I love God’s Word…I love studying it and I love sharing it. James says, “Be faithful to sow the truth of His Word, and He promises (v. 11) that it will not return without succeeding in the purpose for which He sent it forth.” This chapter reminded me once again of God’s faithfulness and made it me want to be faithful back.

The fifth chapter looks at our worship of God. I had high hopes of a “feel good” chapter. Worship is one of my favorite things. Certainly I had this one figured out, right? Not even close. I was humbled at how much I had to learn in an area I thought I excelled. This is an extremely painful chapter for me as I realized through Isaiah 58 that God sometimes holds me at arms length during worship. James writing stings:

“What if you kneel to pray but on the inside you refuse to yield…How about
sitting in church with you Bible open but your heart closed…How do you think
God feels when we casually take the Communion bread and cup? Our minds
wander to trivia and fail to seriously scour the hearts Christ died to cleanse?
Those are times when God ignores our worship.”

But James is also quick to remind us, “Far from condemnation, Isaiah invites us to joyful transformation.” He goes on to give the attitudes of our heart, where God ignites our worship. When we are focused on the freedom of Christ, when we convey the compassion of Christ then God is in our midst. I realized more through this chapter than ever before that true worship of God is being like His Son, who though He is God became a servant. I pray to God that He will keep me from being satisfied with anything less.

The final chapter was worth waiting for. It shows through Isaiah 43 (LOVE this chapter!) that by studying Who God is, we find who we are. He writes, “My value is not in who I am but in whose I am.” All that we have learned about Who God is, relates to who we are in Him. It was a great, final chapter to a great book.

I closed this book freshly gripped by His greatness, stunned by His holiness, astonished by His sovereignty and left completely amazed at Who He is. God owns the universe, fashioned it all with spoken word and still holds it all together with His hands. How great He is!! He is out of this world BIG, yet closer than your skin! Amazing God!!!

I Love Tuesdays! (And It's Not About Me)

A weird title for a post written late Thursday night/early Friday morning, I know. I would have written it Tuesday had I had the mental energy.

Every Tuesday evening I go to Panera and spend the evening hours pouring over Bible Study with my dear friend Tara. I treasure this time more than words. Not only is it a slow pace and quiet atmosphere after a busy day; it is valued time with a precious friend. The seeds of our friendship were planted at Bible Study. Two years later the roots grow deep in the soil of accountability, honesty, love and understanding. They have been watered by tears; fed by laughter, countless prayers and Starbucks. :) “Friends love through all kinds of weather….” (Proverbs 17:17 The Message). Her friendship to me is invaluable and I pray it lasts a lifetime!

This Tuesday we just finished the book “Its Not About Me” by Max Lucado. It was perfect timing…God’s timing. We started it not long after I had Chloe and she had her baby girl. I can’t speak for Tara, but I was all wrapped up in my little world. My hormones were in full swing and many sleepless nights were spent in tears. I would look over at the book sitting on my stand. I hadn’t opened it yet but just the title made me scream under my breath (so not to wake the rest of the house), “Yes, God, it is all about me right now! I need sleep…I need help…I need…” And God heard. He knew what I needed more than I knew and so Tara and I started this study. It shook me, it was hard to swallow at times, it knocked me to my knees but it was good. So many things learned; so many things I don’t want to forget. I started writing them down and then thought I would share them with you.

I learned how deep selfishness runs in our culture…how deep it runs in *gulp* me. Leaving no one untouched, selfishness runs through our veins, urging us to make a name for ourselves…look out for ourselves. It promises happiness but only leaves chaos.

I learned that I needed a change. I needed a glimpse of God’s glory. Max said, “When our deepest desire is not the things of God, or a favor from God, but God himself, we cross a threshold.” I want to cross that threshold! My own prayers convicted me. Even when I was praying to God…it was still all about me.

I learned that my daily life needed to reflect God’s glory, even in the little things. Anything can give Him glory, if I mean for it too. Nothing matters but what is done for Him and it is only through Him that my life has meaning. Moreover, if I succeed at anything, it is only because of Him.

I discovered that God just keeps getting bigger to me. Just when I think I have Him figured out, He blows my mind with something more and then He brings me to my knees with His amazing love that seeks after me, even me.

I was reminded, at just the right time, that God never changes. In the midst of changing churches, moving friends and adjusting to a new addition, Max reminded me that the Lord is the same, yesterday today and forever.

I learned that the world doesn’t need more of me, it needs more of God. I need to get out of the way. People need to see Him – His love, His grace – not me. My goal needs to be that people know His name, not mine.

And finally, this book ended by giving me a completely new outlook (a life changing outlook) on the third commandment. But I am going to bed :)…if you want to find out what that is; you will have to check out the book! It will be well worth the read, I promise!