God Speaks

Countless times, I have heard the voice behind me telling me, "This is the way; walk in it." I have heard Him speak to me directly about big things: who I should marry, where I should work (or not work), where my children should go to school. I have heard His voice over small things: times to pray for a friend, a Bible study to take, when to speak and when to stay silent.

Lately, I have felt as if I have been walking in between Malachi and Matthew. God has been disturbingly silent.

It has not been for lack of questions. There have been MANY. I have blindly slammed my face against hard cement...only to wonder why God would have led me down that path just to be redirected so quickly.


Where do you want me, Lord? What can I do for You? Do you want me to sit quiet? Do you want me to get busy? I will do whatever, I just need to KNOW. More than anything, I need to know You are pleased with what I am doing. Please, God speak.

That was my prayer this morning. I prayed it as I got in the shower. My mind never once stopped swirling with thoughts...Is that You, Lord? Was that from You?

I busied myself with preparing my children for school. Packing lunches, dressing little bodies. Backpacks in hand, we headed out the door. As I always do as we wait through the car line, I prayed for my children...while focused on them, my own request was still very present in my mind.

I begin to blame myself. I needed to go home and hit my face. I needed to show God how desperately I needed Him.


I don't like the silence, Lord? I can't take it one more day.

Two car lines later, both kids were dropped off at school. My desire to go home was great, but I had a much needed errand to run - so I headed in that direction. My eyes took in sights all around me...hoping to gather some information...something God would use to show me where He wants me. Would it be a homeless person? A child?

Then my phone rang. God? I suppose it could have been. But it was my dear Mom making her morning call to check on me. Just small talk for a couple of minutes. Over the course of that conversation my mind had gone from searching for God's direction, to searching for the DMV. I hung up with only that on my mind.

It was then I noticed I had a text message. I usually only text my husband...so I expected it to be him. Opened it and read:

"Good morning! Just wanted to wish u a blessed day. God loves u and knows ur heart."

It was from my sweet mentor friend. She sent it without too much thought, I am guessing. A simple greeting...but it spoke volumes of Truth to my earnest heart.


"God loves u..." I have walked with God...really walked with Him for about 16 years now and just recently became very acutely aware that I have no clue how much God loves me. If I did, how much more willingly would I surrender it all to Him and trust Him fully?


"... and knows ur heart." A scary thing. Yes, my heart longs for Him like no other. It cries out, "Earth has nothing I desire but You." But my actions...ouch. They don't always portray that. Which in turn, reflects the state of my heart, doesn't it?

It wasn't where I was looking, but God did indeed speak. The message He sent me today wasn't the one I was looking for. It wasn't a billboard telling me to go to Africa or a phone call from Heaven saying I needed to stay home. I didn't get any solid directions...other than to the DMV.

But I did find peace. Not because my questions were answered. But peace in the midst of all the uncertainty. I still don't know what God wants me to do. But I do know He loves me. He knows my heart and maybe He is pleased...or maybe He just loves me anyway.

For now, I rest in that.