God Speaks

Countless times, I have heard the voice behind me telling me, "This is the way; walk in it." I have heard Him speak to me directly about big things: who I should marry, where I should work (or not work), where my children should go to school. I have heard His voice over small things: times to pray for a friend, a Bible study to take, when to speak and when to stay silent.

Lately, I have felt as if I have been walking in between Malachi and Matthew. God has been disturbingly silent.

It has not been for lack of questions. There have been MANY. I have blindly slammed my face against hard cement...only to wonder why God would have led me down that path just to be redirected so quickly.


Where do you want me, Lord? What can I do for You? Do you want me to sit quiet? Do you want me to get busy? I will do whatever, I just need to KNOW. More than anything, I need to know You are pleased with what I am doing. Please, God speak.

That was my prayer this morning. I prayed it as I got in the shower. My mind never once stopped swirling with thoughts...Is that You, Lord? Was that from You?

I busied myself with preparing my children for school. Packing lunches, dressing little bodies. Backpacks in hand, we headed out the door. As I always do as we wait through the car line, I prayed for my children...while focused on them, my own request was still very present in my mind.

I begin to blame myself. I needed to go home and hit my face. I needed to show God how desperately I needed Him.


I don't like the silence, Lord? I can't take it one more day.

Two car lines later, both kids were dropped off at school. My desire to go home was great, but I had a much needed errand to run - so I headed in that direction. My eyes took in sights all around me...hoping to gather some information...something God would use to show me where He wants me. Would it be a homeless person? A child?

Then my phone rang. God? I suppose it could have been. But it was my dear Mom making her morning call to check on me. Just small talk for a couple of minutes. Over the course of that conversation my mind had gone from searching for God's direction, to searching for the DMV. I hung up with only that on my mind.

It was then I noticed I had a text message. I usually only text my husband...so I expected it to be him. Opened it and read:

"Good morning! Just wanted to wish u a blessed day. God loves u and knows ur heart."

It was from my sweet mentor friend. She sent it without too much thought, I am guessing. A simple greeting...but it spoke volumes of Truth to my earnest heart.


"God loves u..." I have walked with God...really walked with Him for about 16 years now and just recently became very acutely aware that I have no clue how much God loves me. If I did, how much more willingly would I surrender it all to Him and trust Him fully?


"... and knows ur heart." A scary thing. Yes, my heart longs for Him like no other. It cries out, "Earth has nothing I desire but You." But my actions...ouch. They don't always portray that. Which in turn, reflects the state of my heart, doesn't it?

It wasn't where I was looking, but God did indeed speak. The message He sent me today wasn't the one I was looking for. It wasn't a billboard telling me to go to Africa or a phone call from Heaven saying I needed to stay home. I didn't get any solid directions...other than to the DMV.

But I did find peace. Not because my questions were answered. But peace in the midst of all the uncertainty. I still don't know what God wants me to do. But I do know He loves me. He knows my heart and maybe He is pleased...or maybe He just loves me anyway.

For now, I rest in that.

Welcome Fall!

Today is the first day of fall! I can hardly believe it, but you can actually feel it all the way in Florida! Even in the heat of the afternoon, my car thermometer said we didn't break 80 degrees. That has to be a first in a very long while. (Now if it would just stop raining...)

A few of my favorite Fall things (in Florida):

• wearing jeans and not sweating to death before even stepping outside
• cool evenings and maybe even a few cool days
• school activities and field trips
• October - on my top 3 list of favorite months
• pumpkin patches
• our candy bowl again being full (it has been dwindling since Easter)
• not so many creepy crawly things around - particularly reptiles
• watching late night Packer games with my hubby
  
• DARK evenings and LIGHT mornings - how things are suppose to be :)

What are some of your favorite Fall things?

America at the Crossroads

You may remember my post by the same name back in July. In it I shared my notes from Kay Arthur at the Deeper Still conference where this sweet lady brought what I believe to be a prophetic message. After I posted it, I received some emails asking for permission to share the info or asking how to get that message. I have wondered the same thing...

Today, I visited one of my favorite websites (oneplace.com) and right there on the front page was Kay Arthur's message "America at the Crossroads". I haven't listened to the entire message yet, but it appears to be much of the same content. Each segment is about 25 minutes...lengthy, but time well spent.

OK, I am going back to listening... If you don't have time to listen, please at least join me in prayer. Our country needs it, especially as November nears.

Dangerous Surrender

"Much is required from those to whom much is given." Luke 12:48

A couple weeks ago, I started the book Dangerous Surrender by Kay Warren. I am only on the third chapter, but I have read and re-read those three chapters numerous times. I want to get this...really get this.

Her writing has gripped my heart, brought me to tears, and left me speechless. I struggle even now to describe the impact I felt from it.

I have spent evenings pouring over this book (literally pouring tears) only to set it down at last and notice the questioning look of my husband from across the room. At one point, he asked me if it was fiction. The solitary word "No" was all I could get out. The other night he picked up a mascara-filled tissue crumpled up on the couch. "Reading that book again?" He asked. "Yep..." I said. I could find no other words.

I am still struggling to find the words...

Last Sunday I sat through church with tears streaming down my face. I am convinced our Pastor is reading this same book. Or God is just that good. Quite possibly both. As he spoke, these paragraphs below echoed over and over in my head. I barely got to the car before flipping through the books pages to read them again.

It's very easy for us to remain aloof and untouched by the suffering that defines the existence of the vast majority of people on this planet. I have read that if you have food in your refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead, and a place to sleep, you are richer than 75 percent of the people in this world. If you have any money in the bank and some in your wallet and some spare change in a dish somewhere, you are among the top 8 percent of the world's wealthy; 92 percent have less to live on than you do. If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation, you are ahead of 500 million other people in the world. If you can attend worship services at church without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death, you are more blessed than three billion people in the world.

I don't tell you this to make you feel guilty - but I do hope you feel uncomfortable. I hope these statistics disturb you. God in his sovereignty decided where you would be born and allowed you to live in a place that has almost everything anyone could ever desire, so there is no guilt that he has ordered our lives in such a way. The only guilt we bear is the guilt of ignoring the men, women, and children of this world who do not have what we have – the guilt of spending the majority of our time, money, and resources exclusively on ourselves and our families. That is legitimate guilt.

I have no idea what God is doing, but there is a familiar unrest stirring in my soul. There are things in my life that God is calling me to surrender. My prayer is that my desire to obey will be matched by my actions. I want to say "yes" no matter what. Lord, help me do it.

Randoms

So my sweet friend, Tara pointed out today that I have been neglecting my blog. OK, yea, it's true. No excuses she said, so I won't offer any. My sweet friend Tara also does these fun random posts on Wednesdays (ahem, except last I checked...none yet today...just happen to notice...no excuses...) so I thought I would try my hand at it...

• I totally underestimated how busy my fall would be
• Chloe and I sit through four car lines every day
• One at 8:30, one at 9:00, another at 12:30 and yet another at 3:00
• In between those times I feel like I am either scrambling to run errands, clean my house, let Chloe nap, or I am so tired I get nothing done
• I am reading Dangerous Surrender by Kay Warren
• It has my head and my heart swirling with thoughts
• Expect some posts on that eventually
• I just got my car back on Monday
• We had a little accident about a month ago
• At church
• A nice, young man rear ended us
• He didn't have insurance tho...sigh
• We were rear ended about a month before that, except there was very little damage and we didn't report it
• That was also while leaving church
• Now my rear end looks so pretty! :)
• Connor is LOVING preschool
• He is so disappointed every Saturday and Sunday when he doesn't get to go
• Summer starts soccer on Saturday
• She is pretty excited about that too
• We spent Saturday in Orlando with Shawn's family
• Celebrated our littlest niece's 1st birthday
• And, oh yea, my husband is now 30!
• Tomorrow I am having lunch with my mentor
• And Friday Shawn and I are going on a date! Whaaahoooo!!!!!!

So how did I do, sweet Tara? :) Was that an OK update for you... :) You KNOW I love you!