Happy Day!

Warning: This has the possibility of becoming a mushy, midnight post... just a head's up...

I feel like a school girl, giddy in love! I can't even sleep my heart is so full.

My house is quiet...everyone is sound asleep. The sound of me typing is the only sound in the house. So strange how this quiet is comforting...yet, I have experienced "quiet" this week that felt crushing.

It's been a long week. Whew! One I am thankful is behind me. I have thought of writing on here many times for no other reason other than someone to talk too...it would have been very transparent and you can be very thankful I didn't. :)

I felt like a single mom this week...and have the utmost respect for those that do it all the time. Part of my hard week was the guilt that ate at me for being so wimpy. I know there are so many wives holding their home together while husbands are away for months...or years...or forever. Wimpy me, I couldn't take it more than a couple days and I was crying my eyes out. Shawn worked A LOT this week. He was lucky if he made it home before 10 but most nights it was after midnight.

I have been through weeks like this before, but unfortunately, this one hit me when I was very emotional. I was needy. I just plain missed Shawn. 4:00 was my trigger everyday...and the tears would come. The evenings seemed terribly long. After the kids were in bed, the quiet was deafening. (And during the day the kids were deafening - not sure which I preferred.) Thanks to the tears everyday, I had a constant sinus headache. I would lay awake at night worrying about tomorrow. And then beat myself up more for worrying. OK, yea...let's just say, I was a nice MESS come Thursday.

But today...oh, today...

My dear husband actually got home early yesterday...we were able to eat dinner together and the kids were thrilled! (OK, not just the kids were thrilled.) Only Connor (the early bird) had seen Shawn at all this week. Otherwise, he was up and gone before the girls even thought of stirring. They were really missing him too.

He got in some down time with friends last night and went to see a movie. But then today...things felt so normal. He did lawn work this morning. I cleaned up in the house....we ate lunch together. Half of us took naps...I did some grocery shopping...all nice, normal Saturday family things.

But then...oh, but then...

4:00 came. Grandma came. And Mommy and Daddy were able to leave...LEAVE! Can you imagine? Don't get me wrong, I love my children DEARLY, but it was for their own good I had some alone time with their Daddy.

We saw an early movie (Batman - I only saw like half of it...much of the time my face was hidden under Shawn's arm...but that was fun too) and then had a late dinner. It was a wonderful time that left me...

Well, like this...up late, feeling silly for feeling so crazy in love with my husband. I can still smell his deodorant as I hid my head under his arm. It makes my stomach do flip flops (in a good way). I can still see him smile at me when I jumped out of my chair during one of the many scary parts in the movie. And then dinner! We got to talk...like real TALK! Not just half sentences in between children talking...or just grunting at each other because we are too exhausted to do anything else. But talking...with whole words and sentences even! I felt like he should drop me off at home and kiss me goodnight. It was glorious. I am so blessed!!

I pray, I long for better vision...to see past what I am dealing with in the now, to the blessing that waits on the other side. Not just date night...but eternal blessings. Blessings for sticking out the long days with patience. For responding to my children in love. For smiling instead of crying. For praying instead of screaming. For safely and soundly putting my security in the Lord instead of Shawn being home.

I have a long way to go...but oh, how I long for that. Yes, it was a good Saturday...and I am so looking forward to church tomorrow...but Monday is coming. And I pray that my eyes would see beyond my NOW...to the eternal.

Thank you, Lord for having patience with me...and blessing me with such sweet children, and a loving husband. They are way more than I deserve.